


'This charming man'

by Clyde_frog



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Addictive Personality, Anti depressants, Asexuality, Best Friends, Bi-Curiosity, Break Up, Break Up Talk, Character Death, Childcare, Coming Out, Depression, Divorce, Drunken sex, F/F, F/M, Female Hange Zoë, Gay, Guilt, Identity Issues, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Love, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Moral Dilemmas, Multi, OCD, One-Sided Levi/Petra Ral, Past and Present, Pregnancy, Relationship(s), Secret Relationship, Sex, Sexuality Crisis, Sharing a Bed, Sleepy Cuddles, Suidcidal ideation, Uncomfortable situation, Unrequited Love, gay affair, mental health, warnings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-31
Updated: 2018-08-18
Packaged: 2019-02-24 06:54:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 15
Words: 28,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13208349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clyde_frog/pseuds/Clyde_frog
Summary: Marie, was beautiful, with long luscious hair that crept down her back and flowed so elegantly and effortlessly. she constantly wore a smile on her face, happiness seemingly radiating from her body. she loved Erwin, her husband. the man she trusts forever with her life the man she married and the man she wanted to grow old with. she had built her whole life around him moving from her home town to the big city for his new job, but she did not expect the man she admires and cares deeply about to break her heart... and cheat... with a man.extract:"The pleasure ran over him like water, icy cold and sharp, not painful but unalike anything he had ever encountered before. Levi was so different, with his dark as night hair, and thousand mile stare, how can this imperfect man seem so perfect and without flaw. He watched Levi frequently, observing every quirk and compulsion, everything that made Levi the person he is. Levi was the living embodiment of order, from the way he placed everything alphabetically and the spotless desk that almost seemed untouched everything had a sequence, Yet what Levi had with Erwin was spontaneous like a shattered routine"





	1. 'rubber ring'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Each and every chapter will be named after a song I love. I don’t have a single creative bone in my body so yeah I’ll try and make it so the songs will reflect what happens in chapter to some extent. Thanks :3
> 
> The smiths- rubber ring

Erwin was tall with a tight muscular frame, his eyes where blue as the ocean, his hair was blonde and often slicked back. many admired him for his intellect and charismatic personality. Erwin knew how to work his way around someone and did this without regret. Erwin was the white collar worker with a the beautiful wife, the beautiful house and the dream job. His life as far as everyone was aware was great. But all that changed once Erwin had been called into his mangers office.

The man had a aberrant expression written along his face. he signalled Erwin to sit, without welcoming him into his office. the man gulped, crossing his arms and eyes burning through Erwin.  
'yes sir' Erwin spoke. the man let out a deep sigh. 'Erwin' he paused. face now bleak and unreadable 'I'm going to have to let you go, Smith.The tech team say they don't agree with your standard of work and quite frankly I am up to here with complaints, you cant talk your way out of this clear your desk and leave' Erwin opened his mouth to talk but was cut off. 'Now' the man growled and with that Erwin left the office confused, his reports had almost been perfect every week, and he got on great with his colleagues. he knew the man had it out for him since day one, Erwin wanted his job.Erwin cleared his desk, saying one last goodbye to his marbled desk and luxury chair, he removed the last picture from his desk, and waved goodbye to all he had worked for.  
**  
seven weeks, seven weeks since he had lost his job and he was ready to pack his life up and move to the big city all for this new job, it was less then ideal, but Erwin would take the job regardless. Marie was weary of this decision, but Erwin was adamant that this would benefit them in the long run. he said bye to his wives family.  
**

'You understand the requirement’s that come alongside the managerial role, correct, of course you do I wouldn’t have hired you over wise. You’re expected to watch over the workers, while maintaining professional behaviour at all times. The office shall be kept in order and you should permit work to be completed on time and at an exceptional standard. I don’t doubt you leader ship skill Smith but if you have any issues with certain employees, I encourage you to see me with your concerns’ Erwin nodded in agreement ‘very well then, good luck with your first day, ill escort you to the office, then I’ll leave you to introduce yourself’ Pixis said. Finished standing from his desk. ‘Yes sir’ Erwin said, him to rising from his seat.

They walked side by side. ‘smith I must warn you, this bunch are an unusual lot, some will prattle on about stuff unrelated to work, while others won’t leave their office unless their life depends on it, I’m sure in time you’ll be able to identify these… so don’t feel obligated to involve yourself in ‘chitchats’ unless it includes the work or any concerns. In this case you may pass them onto me if you feel it's necessary' he articulated.‘Yes sir, my relationship between me and my colleagues will be a strictly professional one, I can assure you that I will direct the group to my best ability sir’ he said assuring his boss. ‘Great, I believe you’ll be an asset to this company, and I expect that you’ll be able to improve the standard of work that goes on in this office’. I hope so sir’ Erwin responded somewhat confident about his new role.

 

‘I’ve cleared an office for you, a computer, desk and shelves have been provided. The rest will be your responsibility, that’s not a problem, no’ he asked.  
‘Not at all sir’ Erwin answered.  
‘Well here were are’ pixis said upon entering the office.  
**

The drive to work for Levi was quiet and relaxing, there was little traffic and he didn't have to rush, his concentration drifted to the road and nowhere else and he's mind was clear. This part of the day could go one of two ways, either he’d be caught in the early morning rush hour and be late for work or like this morning he would make it to work on time without trouble. These early peaceful morning were highly reminiscent of Levis childhood, the journey to nowhere in particular that he often took with his mother, these days had been built on the unbreakable bond that he and his mother shared, she was unbelievably important to Levi, she had been a part of some of Levis happiest moments in his life so far.

He exited his car and made his way into work. It was empty and cluttered, he fought the urge to clean up the mess left by his younger colleagues, however he just avoided it. he was lucky that having more experience allowed him and a select few to have their own offices. He was relieved to enter his clean and well organised office however he found a large stack of files. 'Great' he muttered to himself, unamused. He decided to first make himself some tea so he made his way to the kitchen, once again passing the chaotic workplace. Upon entering he was greeted by Mike. He felt uncomfortable around the man, he was much larger in comparison to Levi. Levi resembled a child next to him.

'Good morning' he said noticing Levi  
enter the small confined kitchen. Levi only nodded in response.

'I've heard they finally hired someone to watch over us, seems pointless to me' Mike complained.  
The job had been open for some time since the last team leader quit. The job itself seemed tedious, so the long wait was not a shock nor was it unexpected.

'See the old man finally found someone…. Lucky them, well great, means I can make some request, take advantage, there probably scared shitless’ Levi said as the kettle boiled

Mike only laughed at Levi. 'About the kettle right... what a cumbersome task that must be, walking the short distance from your office to the kitchen' he mocked. It wasn’t the journey that had been so unappealing for Levi, but the people he’d have to encounter in between, they were several years younger than Levi, their behaviour was rowdy , and discussion’s often to inappropriate for work. They were not completely foreign to him though, he had been somewhat like them at one point, he just wanted work to be as stress free as possible, however he had come to learn that this was unachievable with or without the distractions of the other workers.

'Hey I have my reasons.’ He groaned

‘did you get a shit ton of files on your desk this morning' he continued.

'Yeah, thinking of dropping some on Eld’s desk,  
he only has half the amount' Mike joked.

'Not a bad idea' Levi sneered  
'I best start working my ass of, if I'm getting lunch' he sighed, signalling his leave.

He had made his way back to his office as more workers started flooding in, a few had greeted him however most avoided him he wasn’t someone they found to be approachable, the sternness of his personality had often been an intimidations to his colleagues, although he had been considerably smaller to most people, but many felt overwhelmed around him despite his size  
**  
After his arrival the atmosphere of the office had become calmer and everyone had begun to work . Erwin firstly went to his office to begin setting up. He placed a picture of Marie on the side of desk, then neatly placed different items in individual drawer. He took a moment to go through the current events, he was glad that his briefing had done, he always found that part of a new job to be tiresome, the lecture on information that he was already well aware off. He was happy to now be able to settle down and keep this job, the job paid well and this meant he could provide for Marie and the unborn child. He decided to check on everyone and finish introducing himself.

‘Good morning everyone, I hope that you have not got the wrong idea about me after pixis demands this morning' Erwin asked.

‘Nah sir’ Connie spoke up.

‘Great, so can you introduce me to yourselves’ he asked.

‘Ymir’  
‘Sasha sir’ she grinned  
‘eld’  
‘connie-And mikes office is there and Levis is that one, good luck with him’ Connie pointed.

‘What do you mean ‘he asked curiously.

‘let’s just say his not the friendliest person I’m  
sure you’ll soon find out' Connie answered.

‘Very well then, back to work’ he instructed.

He made his way to Levis office and knocked at the door gently, then entered.

‘Good morning Levi I’m Erwin smith’ he smiled hoping to make a good first impression  
he only response was Levi looking him up and down.

‘You’re the new manger’ Levi muttered, as his eyes fell back down to a sheet on his desk.

‘Indeed I am I’ll be walking around checking on progress of work’ he informed Levi.  
‘If you have any concerns or wish to make any demands my office is across’ Erwin told Levi.

‘Actually I’d like to make a request now’ Levi asked eyeing Erwin

‘yes of course.’

‘I’d like a kettle in my office, I can bring sugar and tea bags however ill need a kettle to be provided, and one that’ll work, I work the hardest here so it shouldn’t be a  
problem to reward me now and again and that’ll be my only request’ Levi requested.

‘there may be certain health and safety regulation that having a kettle in your office may go against, I can’t be sure that there aren’t any hazards…  
is there not a kettle in the kitchen here, I can look into providing a new one there’ he suggested.

‘I’m not incapable of making tea, never mind’ he scowled.

Silence fell amongst them. ‘I’ll look into it’ Erwin sighed, with that being said Erwin exited his office.  
**

Erwin had been tall and muscular. His hair was blond and his eyes strikingly blue. He was the complete opposite of Levi in body and mind. He’d hope to make as little contact with his new manager as much as possible. He worked better alone. So the idea of constant supervision was an unpleasant one. It had become a lot quieter since Erwin’s arrival

 

'everyone seems to be on their best behaviour probably sucking up to him’ Levi thought to himself. It was quiet though so he didn’t mind much.


	2. ‘Make me feel better’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alex Adair- make me feel better

The fabric was taut under his rough, busted knuckles, as he gasped breath scarcely escaping his body. He shot up face slick with perspiration, and head pounding. His heart still thumped in his chest, mimicking a ticking time bomb ready to blow. ‘Deep breaths’ he panted. Calmness was seldom present. Levi was infrequently visited by happiness and peace. His mind was dark and bleak of positivity. 

He twisted from his bed seemingly leaving behind a pool of sweat. Standing, levi scrutinised his appearance in the mirror, eyes blood shot. He coated his face with water, as if cleaning away his problems for now, or placing his mask over the dark purple sleepless eyes and the young vulnerable child that hid behind him , looming over his shoulder in every instance of his life.

He reached out grasping a neatly folded suit. Then combing his hair back. He adjusted his tie, filled his rucksack then stopped beside his door, eyes wandering to the picture of his mother and himself at a beach many year ago.

**

The sand grains wedges beneath his toes, warm and soft. The day was warm hitting the hottest day for that summer and Levi’s hair had been getting awfully long, he grabbed his mother’s hat placing it on his head. 

‘Ah levi give your mom her hat back, you ain’t no women’ his dad grinned.

‘Hey’ his mother shouted.

‘I think it suits you my little man’ she smiled kneeling down and pinching his nose.

‘Don’t encourage him, kuchel’ the man growled. She eyed him then lifted levi onto her shoulders heading towards the water.

‘Nymmmmm’ she giggled imitating a plane, something levi had been obsessed with. She ran in zigzags, levi giggled.  
‘Hey! Take a picture’ she laughed. Levi was at his happiest.  
‘Say cheeese’

 

**

It had been just under two months since Erwin had began his new job. 

Erwin felt the warm breath of his wife hitting his chest, he gently untwisted her from his body, sitting up and rubbing his eyes, the clock read 6am. Erwin shot up.

‘Fuck’ his wife  
jolted up. 

‘What’ she  
yelled.

‘Late’ he said pacing his room grasping everything he could.

‘I thought you set the alarm’ he  
snapped.

‘Yeah I did, wait oh no’ she stuttered.  
He slammed his bedroom door grabbing Orange then leaving his house preparing himself for his day.

It was relatively busy on the roads, cars closely stacked barely moving. ‘Come on’ he yelled. Smacking his hands along his steering wheel. it would be 90 minuets before Erwin would get to work. 

As he entered the building pixis called him from down the hall. ‘Erwin my office’ he yelled.  
He knew what this was about. 

‘What the fuck are these ratings, why are they so low. The hospital needed most of these files last week, what am I suppose to tell our employer about patients without their case notes?’

‘I’m sorry sir, I know it’s not acceptable’  
‘Your damn right smith, sort it out!’ He yelled. 

Once Erwin reach the office it had been in utter Diseray, connie and yumir were arguing, papers scattered everywhere, walking through not even acknowledging the discourse.  
‘Stop’ he shouted.

The office fell silent. ‘Clean up and shut up’.  
‘Levi’ he shouted. Levi did not reapond. He stormed in his office not even knocking.

 

**  
The office was in an absolute shambles, desks Coated with papers, Connie yelling,  
He walked past entering his office. It was quieter in his office, he placed in his earphones, and shifted in his seat, before tucking into his breakfast.

He could have sworn he heard someone shout his name. He carried on with his paper though, when suddenly Erwin bursted into his office, knocking papers and files from the shelf behind the door.  
‘What the fuck’ Levi jolted up.

‘I shouted you’ erwin growled. Levi Now stood didn’t even flinch at the mans agression, almost as if it had gone through one ear and out of the other.

Levi pushed past Erwin, kneeling down and collecting the papers together.

‘Your making a mess’ he growled.

‘No shit’ erwin growled.

Levi stood eyes hitting Erwin’s, there was a tension between them, an unforseeabke force pulling them together. it had been silent for several moments before Levi reached touching something behind Erwin’s head.

‘Your shirts inside out’ Levi sneered. Erwin twisted his head, catching slight view of the white tag.

‘Hm you’re a large’ Levi said ‘better loose some pounds smith, or learn how to dress’ he taunted.

He Removed his blazer revealing a shirt folded up to his elbow, he arms littered with veins and his muscles bulging out of his shirt. Levi’s interest was peaked and Erwin almost caught him looking. He hid his arms once more while adjusting his uniform. 

Levi didn’t want to admit that he was slightly disappointed. This office needed some eye candy, his team members where all young. Mike was slightly older then Levi and was not someone he found attractive at all.

Levi lent back down placing the papers back into their folders, erwin followed suit, hands slighting brushing Levi’s as they work in unison.

‘The kettle’ erwin spoke up after several seconds.

‘Hm’

‘I’ll get the kettle for you’

‘Ah great’ levi said.

‘If, you help me teach these little shits some order, I can’t handle them on my own’

‘No no no no no, never going to happen, quit if you can’t handle them’ Levi stood.

‘Come on, I’ll promote you, my assistant? Erwin pleaded.

‘You can’t make positions up smith’

‘I know how to work my way around Pixis, I will make it happen, whatever you want’

‘Whatever?’ Levi said almost sounding flirty.

‘Ok’

‘Okay?’ Erwin smiled.

‘Great, give me a week and the jobs your, let me buy you a coffee’ he offered.

‘Urm I don’t know about that’ Levi said.

‘Let me know’ erwin said exiting his office’

‘What the fuck’ Levi sighed rubbing his eyes.  
**

‘Come in’ pixis Sat up right back straight and eyes dark.

‘Ah smith, hows it going’ he smiled.

‘Good morning sir, actually I had a proposition for you, I think that having a collaborative approach to improving my employees current work effic would improve things, I’m thinking we need an assistant manager, someone who’ll support me’

‘Who did you have in mind’ pixis said elbows hitting the table and fingers interlocking.

‘Levi’ erwin said.

‘Levi? Definitely not’ pixis said adamant.

‘Sir, with all due respect you have not given me much chance to present my ideas’

‘You understand Levi’s background correct?’

‘Of course’ erwin responded ‘however I think this’ll benefit Levi, he needs to be integrated into this group rather then stuck in his office, the group fear him and I think this is a great advantage for us sir’ erwin said.

‘Smith, your employees are not here to be scared shitless’

‘Nor are they here to sit on their assess, our work progress has been the slowest in years, levi is one of your strongest workers, he and mike are holding this business up’

‘Then why not mike, erwin?’ Pixis asked.

‘Mike is brilliant but he is closer to the employees he is much more likely to go soft on them, can we just trial this, move Levi in to my office,  
Give eld his office?’

Pixis sighed. ‘You have a month. If this fails I’m firing both you and Levi’. 

‘Great I assure you, you will not be disappointed’ 

** 

One week, one week it took levi packed his boxes, Connie peaked his head round, eyes glowing mischievously. 

‘I think they did it’ Connie grinned. 

‘Did what’ Ymir asked. 

‘Levi! They’ve sacked him’ he laughed. 

‘Nah Ah’ Sasha said. 

‘Yeah, he’s packing boxes and clearing his desk’ he danced. 

‘Shit, about time’ Ymir yawned. 

Erwin entered the office late as usual, calling the group together. ‘So you have most likely noticed Levi clearing his office, and I have no doubt that you are curious as to why that is, so I’d like to take this time to talk some matters through with you all’ he said face almost unreadable. 

‘This week I was called into pixis’ office following the latest report on our progress, and, as expected it was yet again low, the amount of work we are getting out is not at all acceptable, so with that being said, I will be removing privileges’ the office burst out into uproar, ‘quiet’ erwin yells, the turbulent employees settle, however disappointment creeps along all their faces. 

‘I have appointed an assistant manager’ he continued ‘so Levi will be moving into my office while eld takes his room’ 

‘Yes!’ Eld jumped up. 

‘Aw man come on, that’s not fair’ 

‘Settle down Sasha, eld does the most work out of this group besides mike and Levi of course’ 

‘Why not mike’ Ymir asked. 

‘Mike is a great member of this team but I see leader skills more in levi then I do mike, do not threat though mike will be rewarded for his efforts I assure you’ 

‘Levi is miserable’ Ymir snorts. 

‘Well you better start saying nice things about me now I’m your boss’ Levi frowns. 

‘Like shit you are’ Ymir growls. 

‘Quiet quiet. Ymir if you are unhappy then you know where the door is, don’t forget that I can replace you in a heart beat’ 

Ymir pauses then falls back down to her seat in disgust. 

‘Very well, eld pack up you desk, if you have any requests, you will not consult me or Levi about this, I look forward to seeing the progress we make and working with you all individually, thank you’ 

**

‘Damn this is a shithole’ Levi moans. 

‘Sorry I have not yet had the chance to even think about unboxing some stuff, you can place your things next to my desk for the time being, for this trial month you’ll be sitting at my desk with me, however after that I’ll be sure to provide you with a desk in the corner’ 

‘Great, and the kettle’ Levi asked. 

‘Posted, should arrive sometime this week’ 

‘Great’ Levi smiled slightly. 

‘Yeah’ erwin said smiling also


	3. Still ill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning- death. *
> 
> The smiths- still ill

He came home to utter darkness as the only light that seemed to illuminate the room was a dimly lit candle in the corner. His mother appeared asleep, as she lay curled up on the couch.he reached out to wake her, however Her body felt cold to the touch as she lay limp and blue.  
‘Mommy’ he mutters shaking her. 

Her face lacked colour, and that life that once shone bright within her eyes almost seemed bleak and desolate. 

Her eyes, were so dim. Her light, that shone bright like nothing Levi had seen before had shrivelled down like day to night. And Levi could feel it, that feeling resembling loss, like his mother although there physically was no longer present in spirit. all her grace had been drained from her petite body. 

‘No’ he shouts eyes growing full with tears. He pulls her body from the couch, with great force. It felt wrong, like he was hurting her. He pressed his hands to her chest pressing once, twice and then a third time. Nothing. Maybe he was doing this wrong he’d only ever seen this in fiction, never in reality. People dying, almost seems fictitious, well untill you experience it first hand. 

He stepped away for a few moments grabbing the land line phone dialling nine one one. Then following the operators instruction. Those ten minuets between making the call and the ambulance arriving felt like millennia’s. The door flew open and two paramedic rushed to his mothers side, while a third pulled Levi. 

‘Hi. I’m John. You are’ he smiled attempting to calm Levi. 

Levi began to hyperventilate, rocking back and forth. ‘It’s l...Levi’ he stutters. 

‘Hi Levi how old are you’ he asks. 

‘Ten’ he responds. 

‘You’ve been very brave’ he seemed a little patronising but this comforted Levi. 

Around an hour had passed when the third paramedic left to consult his colleagues. He came back with a saddened expression written along his face. 

‘Is there any family I can call?’ He asks. 

‘No, where’s my mom’ he shouts. 

‘I’m sorry- we did everything we could’ 

He couldn’t even cry, everything became unreal as the world tilted beneath his feet. Everything surrounding him shifted into an insignificant blur. 

Nothing could ever feel as hopeless and empty as this. Alone. Completely. 

It would be the following day when Levi would be transported to a care home. With many children. He would spend the rest of his adolescence and early adulthood here, up untill the day he left. 

**

His clock buzzed. ‘Again’ lifting himself from a bed drenched in sweat. He began his usual routine, water, clothes, hair, tie then picture at the beach. 

Routine. Something that controlled every microscopic inch of levi’s life. From leaving at the exact same time everyday without fail. Too counting his steps to his car. Not going over or under his usual amount and finally to inspecting his spotless car seat for anything fearful, fearful in Levi’s case were crumbs or any sort of minute trace of dirt and grime. He’d find something always, something to scrub at untill his fingers bled and his eyes ran red from the stench of sterile products. He’d exhaust himself because sleep would never come, not so long as that small stain on his shirt was not removed. 

Today had been a particularly bad one for Levi, he had not yet become accustom to sharing an office with someone as messy as Erwin. He fought that urge to clean, but there was so much to do and focus on that he had little time to stop and put something back. 

The mess became more and more of a problem. Erwin’s desk stacked with litter and scrap. It was all he noticed. To him a mountain of filth was the anti Christ’s forthcoming, while to erwin it had never crossed his mind how untidy the office had been getting lately. 

‘I can’t take this’ Levi sits up digging his well groomed nails in his scalp. 

‘What levi’ erwin asks, confused. 

‘This office is a shit hole’ 

Erwin stands. ‘You’re right, it does seemed to have gotten rather filthy’ 

‘Filthy, it’s a fucking mess, shit Erwin, I want my office back’ Levi moans. 

‘I can appreciate that Levi, however as my assistant manager I need you near me’ 

‘We work in the same fucking office, how much closer can We get’ Levi growls. 

‘Levi please, being difficult isn’t helping this’ 

‘No you making a fucking mess everywhere, isn’t helping, there’s shit everywhere’ he stands grabbing everything, hands shaking. ‘I can’t work till this is clean’ 

‘Levi’ erwin says seeing how agitated he’s getting ‘Levi!’ He stops grabbing his arms holding him still. ‘Go for you lunch I’ll clean while you’re gone, if there is anything you want to change once you return then I’ll put that in place. Okay?’ Erwin’s voice was gentle and calm. 

‘Right’ levi breathes. ‘Deep breathes’ Levi thought. ‘Deep breathes. 

**

Levi was more anxious and on edge then usual. He felt Levi’s eyes dart across the room as if something was bothering him. Moments had passed before Levi stood proclaiming his unhappiness with the state of Erwin’s office. 

After Levi had gone for his lunch break erwin collected paper together discarding everything that posed little use to them and in his office, that had been most things. The office looked somewhat clean afterwards, but he knew Levi would still be unhappy. Therefore, he began to dust, then polish. Then placed everything in a neat order. Before the office looked almost unrecognisable. 

Once Levi returned he could see his face light up. Well as much as Levi’s face could. ‘Not bad smith’ he grins slight. Dusting could do with a touch up but I suppose I can let you off for this time’ Levi taunted. 

**

Connie face ran red. ‘Fuckin, piece of shit’ he cursed. 

‘What’ Sasha asked. 

‘Computers crashed again, I miss the days when everything was done by hand. Writing, drawing, jacking off’ 

‘See that’s something a virgin would say’ Ymir spoke up. 

‘I’m sorry Ymir have you ever actually been with a man’ he retorts. 

‘Yes- it was mediocre at best, I suppose that’s why women aren’t lining up to fall to their knees for you’ Ymir grins. 

‘Connie’ Levi shouts. ‘Shut it and come here’ 

‘Guess you have one person in that line’ Ymir laughs. 

‘Ah connie’ erwin smiles. ‘Sit’

‘Wow you really cleaned it up in here’ Connie says wowed. 

‘Yeah, so you out of the group you’re performing the weakest’ 

‘Oh’ 

‘Yes, if you don’t sort it then your gone’ Levi frowned. 

‘So Levi will be mentoring you and in a few weeks time we will review your progress, if little to no progress is made, then you’re fired whereas if you improve then you stay. The choice is all yours. If you want this job you’ll work. If not then I suppose we’ll have to let you go’ 

‘How many notes have you completed today?’ Erwin asked. 

‘Urm I don’t know ten ’ 

‘Ten? Are you fucking kidding me it’s one in the afternoon, you’re staying untill five tonight’ 

‘What no I finish at three’ connie pleaded. 

‘Well not today- now go back to you desk, if you don’t hit forty notes at a minimum then you’ll stay untill five tomorrow aswell’ 

Connie nodded, then left. 

‘You did great Levi’ Erwin’s said softly. 

** 

The day had been long and tiring, it seemed like so much work this job more then he had done before. he fell back head hitting his pillow. Eyes heavy, as he drifted in and out of consciousness. 

**  
The house was old red bricked, and seemingly falling apart. The grass towered over Levi, the floor was scattered with pebbles digging into the base of his feet. As he approached the entrance, two women exited the building, with a huge grins splattered on their faces. 

‘Hello levi’ the older women spoke. Levi only nods. 

‘Let us take you to your room’ the younger lady continues. 

Inside reflected the exterior to a ‘T’ from old stained flower wall paper, coating the walls. To the water damage, watering it’s way through the ceiling. The stairs screeched with each step and the wall paper crumbled with a simple touch. The door was white with a plaque that read Hange Zoe and Levi Ackerman. ‘This is you’ they grin. 

He pushes his way through the door revealing Too wooden beds with unidentifiable stains. The corners of the walls were damp and black with mould. The bed side dressers covered with dust. 

‘Not as glamorous as you expected hm?’ The red head speaks up. she was small with big eager eyes she scribbled notes into a diary and hid the book being discreet and secretive. 

‘What’re you writing’ Levi said building up the courage to ask. 

‘Oh this, something beyond your understanding I assure you- I’m destined for greatness’ 

 

‘Why are you here’ Levi said abruptly. 

‘My parents, they couldn’t take care of me anymore. But that’s fine I have you now my new room mate. -why are you here’ 

‘My mom died’ Levi said. 

‘Oh-I’m sorry. You like tv. I like tv’ she spoke  
Attempting to change the subject. There’s few kiddie channels on this’ she said handing Levi the remote. 

‘Thanks’ he smiled. 

**

Levi had nearly drifted into a deep sleep, until three loud knocks, awoke him. He shot up, rubbing his eyes, and sluggishly making his way towards the door. 

He opened it and his flame haired friend flew at him. ‘Levi’ she grinned pulling him into her chest. ‘Let’s watch a movie’ he pushed her back then attempting to close the door but she places her foot in, blocking the door. 

‘No’ levi groans. 

‘Yes- come on grumpy’ she giggles. 

‘Fine’ she leaps in, bag stuffed with sugary treats and various savoury items, all this was destined to send Levi’s blood sugar sky rocketing. 

she rested her head on Levi’s shoulder cradling his arm also. Levi acted annoyed but there was something very comforting about being this close to someone, hange’s presence in Levi’s life was paramount. She had grown accustomed to Levi’s behaviour, the way his brows seemed to sink into his eyes, and the way his face lay in a scowl when rested. 

He loved her, she was his sister. Not in the literal sense but they had something, a bond two siblings would share. Many had mistaken them for lovers yet both their interest were wildly opposite to one another’s. 

The movie was 30 minuets in when Levi’s phone buzzed in his pocket. The number was unrecognisable but he answered regardless. 

‘Yes?’ He asked. 

‘Levi- it’s Erwin can you come back down to the office there’s a lot to do and little time to do it’ 

‘Shit Erwin it’s 8’ levi moaned. 

‘If this isn’t done, both our job could be on the line, he’s already threatened to have us sacked if standards don’t improve’ 

‘Right’ Levi says hanging up the phone. 

**

It was dark out and the files seemed endless and sat sky high. 

‘Connie where’re you going’ erwin asked. 

‘Home Sir, it’s five’ Connie stood nervously. 

‘Sit’ 

‘Sir- please I really have to go’ Connie pleaded. 

Erwin signalled for him to leave. Eyes not meeting connies, like he was scolding a misbehaving dog. 

 

He’d managed to work through most the paper work but it had been 2 hours since Connie had left and he needed more help, he rang Levi and despite being somewhat unwilling he conformed, and was on his way.


	4. ‘Last night I dreamt that somebody loved me’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for alcoholism, ocd, and suicidal thoughts. Anything I have written here is just fictitious I do not claim to be an expert in any of the feature themes. If you are upset by anything I have written I apolergise in advance. 
> 
> Finally getting to write something a little more interest. I like skipping to the bet bits but can’t wothout a build up sorry if the start was boring, it was more of an intro. More interesting stuff will follow. Thanks :D.
> 
> The smiths - last night I dreamt somebody loved me.

It was Wishful thinking, to believe that they’d be out of this office by midnight, and that Levi could wash a sweat stained shirt and nurse a whiskey, neatly. Three hours of what seemed like mayhem, stamping, typing, scribbling and yawning. Next file, repeat, next file and repeat. It seemed endless. 

‘When did connie leave?’ Levi spoke up. 

‘Five-I’ll arrange a meeting with him tomorrow to discuss his position here’ erwin said. 

‘Well I need a job if you’re hiring’ hange grinned, her cheesy grin going from ear to ear. 

‘It’s yours’ erwin smiled. ‘Come in tomorrow and we’ll talk through the paperwork’

‘Great’ she smiled. 

**

It had just hit half 12, as the last set of files were completed and ready to go. 

‘Shit’ Levi groaned moving his hair from eye view. 

‘Celebratory drink’ hange asked. 

‘Fuck No, the sooner I’m at home in bed the better’ Levi said. 

‘Aw come on it’ll be good, erwin? One drink?’ 

‘I suppose one drink won’t hurt’ erwin responded. 

‘One drink’ Levi affirmed. 

‘Great who wants to drive?’ Hange asked. 

‘I’ll drive, but I’m getting a taxi home- don’t ask me to pay for any drinks’ Levi frowned. 

‘I know some great clubs downtown’ hange grabbed them both. 

**

The club was awfully lively for a Wednesday night, men and women already stumbling and slurring words, spilling drinks over one another. 

A tall man barged into Levi, and he eyed him. ‘Fucker’ he mumbled. 

‘Not your scene?’ Erwin asked. 

‘No, I’m here a lot’ Levi responded face cold. 

‘First round on me’ erwin offered. 

‘’First round’’-you mean the only round, I’m not getting shit faced’ 

‘Erwin don’t you know that little Levi can’t handle his drink’ hange joked. Levi jabbed her. 

‘Why do we argue’ hange sang facing Levi but dancing backwards towards a short young blonde stood at the opposite side of the club. 

‘She seems nice’ erwin said, Levi knew where this was going. 

‘Yeah she’s great’ levi said, monotone

‘How long have you been together’ Erwin continued. Levi spat our his drink. 

‘We are not together, idiot’ 

‘Oh, my apologies- you seem to really like her’ Erwin said rubbing the base of his neck awkwardly. 

‘We grew up together, met her in a shitty care home. She was my first roommate, We lived there and never left with anyone but each other. After we left , we lived together for a bit, but she’s too fucking messy’ he grinned eyes fixed on the bottom of his glass as if reminiscing. 

Hange was so untidy, her home reflected her personality perfectly, sporadic. Her mind worked like cogs, but she was utterly brilliant with great shrewdness and erudition. Her sense of judgment was impeccable. She studied anatomy for sometime throughout high school, and dabbled in neurology in college, however both her and Levi had learned first hand how difficult it was to pay tuition fees, so after one year she dropped out. 

‘I had no idea you grew up in care’ erwin asked. Levi only shrugged. 

‘Sorry, I shouldn’t pry’ erwin said. 

‘Enough about me,what’s your story smith’ levi asked signalling for another drink, and necking it, all this talk about his past had gotten to his head, as the alcohol played mind games with his emotions. 

‘Well, I moved here from a town couple hundred mile away from here, with my wife. The area is nice, not what I had back home but it will have too do’ erwin went on. 

‘Was hoping you’d be a little more interesting then that. Another?’ Levi said suggesting they get another drink. 

‘Sure, lets make this the last though, I’m feeling slightly tipsy’ and it wouldn’t be their last, one drink turned into two, then three and then a forth and so on. Levi could hardly form a coherent sentences without loosing track and starting over. 

‘So are you single?’ erwin slurred, sounding as if he asked to see if Levi was available. 

‘None of your fucking business’ Levi growled. 

‘Aggressive drunk?’ Erwin mumbled into his glass.

Sometime had past and Levi felt his head spin and tilt. Erwin was just a face, no features and the people around him mimicked shadows as he started to loose himself. His stomach ache and he felt the contents of his dinner making its way back up, so he stood, stumbling over to the toilets. Erwin followed. 

‘Shit Levi’ he laughed. 

Levi couldn’t even make it to a toilet before he arched over vomiting into a used urinal. Erwin stood over him pulling his hair from his face. His hair was so soft and silky and Erwin played with it in his hands as he stood so close to Levi. He always sat and admired how remarkably soft Levi’s hair had appeared, the way the black raven hair glistened in the sun, and the way his hair bobbed when he walked away in a stride. So confident and strong, but in this instance he seemed so vulnerable. 

‘Fuck off’ he shouted. Face flushed and coated in tears, his eyes were blood shot, with their familiar darkness beneath. 

‘Are You okay’ erwin asked. ‘Why did you touch me like that’ Levi asked in hysterics. ‘Don’t you know I find you attractive’ Levi confessed. 

‘Come on Levi you’ve got to be joking’ erwin laughed awkwardly. 

‘Do You know how it feels to loose everything in an instance, to watch someone’s life fall through you fingers seizing too exist- I need another drink’ he stood brushing past erwin. 

Erwin grabbed his arm turning to face him, his face had been so close to Levi’s. Levis skin was faultless, soft like Cotten and sweet like a peach. his lips were rough and chapped and his eyes damp and dark. His eyes where smokey And had lived through much pain. 

Levi wasn’t a aggressive drunk, he was an emotional drunk, each drop of alcohol breaking down the many layers to his inner turmoil, each fragment of his being, showing its self drop by drop. Until all that was left was a small helpless and vulnerable child. 

He reached out with supple guilty hands, caressing Levi’s peach skin with his thumb, levi leaning into his touch, his eyes fell shut, as if he was lulled by Erwin’s touch. 

Erwin was very intoxicated at this point, and he began to think with his hands. He rubbed the soft tip of his thumb across Levi’s eye lid, soaking up the dampness that coated his black as night eyelashes, that where exceptionally long. 

Levi’s eyes opened, levi leaned in attempting to kiss erwin but his advances were dismissed as Erwin turned away. 

‘Levi we barely know each other and I’m not gay’ Erwin said fighting temptation. 

Levi wiped his eyes making way for the door once more. Erwin tried to follow but had the door slammed in his face. Once he reopened the door Levi had gone. 

‘Levi’ he shouted, looking for a raven haired man. He pushed through, heart thumping. 

He spotted hange, dancing and made his way towards her.  
‘Have you seen Levi’ he asked. 

‘Nah-he’s probably hooked up with someone, there’s a few guys here that he’s hooked up with before’ she giggled. ‘See jean over there’ she waved. 

‘He had a breakdown- it just came out of nowhere’ 

‘What’ she turned placing her drink down. Grabbing Erwin’s arm she dragged him outside. 

‘How much did he drink erwin?’ She asked concerned. 

‘A lot I think’ 

‘The bastard is suppose to be taking it easy with the alcohol, God I’m an awful friend, I made him break his sobriety the first time around- he’d promise that he’d watch what he drank. Oh god I’m awful’ she said all in one breath. 

‘Hange’ erwin said ‘Levi makes his own decisions’ erwin attempted to reassure her. 

**

Erwin’s thumb felt so soft and gentle over his face. He wanted to lean in and ceil that space between them, to feel Erwin’s lips on his, it was all he wanted and needed. But Erwin turned away. 

He walked away, leaving Erwin to pick up the pieces of their conversation. He suddenly couldn’t breath and the world began to shift beneath his feet. ‘Breath’ he thought. But his efforts were fruitless. 

He squeezed past several people, rushing to the exit and it seemed like he would never make it, light headed and feeling his stomach twist again, he fell through the back door. Leaning over vomiting again, his chest stung, as he felt his heart attempt to burn through his chest. 

‘Breath Breath Breath’ he said over and over and over. Until his breathing returned and the world stood still beneath him, finally feeling grounded, he sat. Putting his hands to his face rubbing away any sick that had attached itself to his face. 

And then everything turned Too black. Only voices- no faces, nothing. For Levi dying was being here. nothing felt worse then living a unbearable life. reawakening he reached into his pocket, pills. Rock bottom was hitting the earths core, burning hot, blistering his skin and immobilising him, he was stuck here. Forever it seemed. 

‘Levi’ a figure shouted. He didn’t move, laying stagnant. 

‘Hey’ erwin said. 

‘Oh god’ he thought he could never face erwin again, he would just have to give up his job, and look elsewhere. I mean he tried to kiss erwin, without any warning. 

Erwin knelt beside him, squeezing his shoulder. ‘Do your think you can stand Levi?’ Erwin asked gently. 

‘Don’t fucking patronise me- I quit’ he spat. Erwin was taken aback. 

‘Well we’ll discuss that in the morning, may I?’ He asked lifting him. 

He rapped his arm around Levi’s waist supporting him, he felt the muscular ridges beneath Levi’s shirt, he could have sworn he was brushing his fingers along them, so small and fragile yet he was built like a body builder, well at least it felt like it. 

He signalled for a cab for what felt like forever. After several attempts a young man stopped. He placed Levi in the back, levi murmuring quietly to himself. Erwin remembered levi’s address from his pay slip, instructing the driver where to go. 

Throughout the journey Levi rested his head on Erwin’s shoulder. 

‘Looks as If your boyfriends had a good night’ the friendly cab driver smiled. 

Erwin’s heart swelled at the very word. Why did his heart leap in his chest at the very suggestion that Levi was his boyfriend. Something about Levi’s mysterious personality and past attracted erwin. From the moment he heard his name, to the tension that had been building up between them. 

He craved excitement in his life, Marie had long luscious hair that fell down to the small of her back, she wore oversized jumpers that hugged her body, and was petite. Many had described them as the ideal couple. Yin and yang. tonight Marie had not crossed his mind once , ‘shit’ he thought reaching into his pocket. 13 missed call and 24 unread messages. 

‘So Sorry, got kept back at work, gonna crash at a colleagues house he’s not far away, see you tomorrow xxx sorry’ he typed not yet prepared for the backlash he’d get from his wife. 

‘For fuck sake Erwin! I thought you where dead in a ditch somewhere,Well I’m glad you‘re okay. See you tomorrow and answer your phone next time you big silly. Love you xx’ she responded. He smiled then placed his phone back in his pocket. 

‘Just here I think’ the cab pulled in and he threw whatever cash he had at the driver, and dragged Levi out. He glided his finger across looking for Levi’s house number. ‘167- Top floor- great’ erwin muttered carrying a heavily intoxicated Levi. He prayed there was a elevator in this apartment and luckily there was, but upon further inspection a poorly written sign read ‘out of order’ and Erwin swore the world was against him. 

Walking up 10 flight of stairs heavily drunk proved to be quite the task, but carrying yourself and your very drunk team member up these stairs was impossible. It had taken fifteen minuets and all of Erwin’s energy before they reached the top. Erwin panted like all the air had been stolen from his body. 

‘Fuck’ he muttered. 

He reached Levi’s door, digging into Levi’s pant pocket to retrieve his keys. 

‘Take me out first erwin’ Levi laughed. Erwin only smiled. He’d never seen Levi show any emotion other then annoyance so to hear him giggling to himself was endearing and melted his heart.  
‘You’re cute when you’re drink’ erwin said. ‘That wasn’t appropriate’ he mumbled to himself- hoping Levi wouldn’t remember him saying that in the morning. 

He unlocked the door, pulling Levi in then planting him of the sofa. Everything was clean. And the smell of bleach invaded Erwin’s nostrils to the point that breathing was quite the task. 

‘You need a glass of water levi?’ erwin asked. 

‘I need you’ Levi flirted. 

‘I wont help your hangover in the morning’ erwin said sternly. 

He walked into the kitchen. The fridge was practically empty. No other colour then green occupied Levi’s fridge, no contaminates in his body or out of his body. It was clear that Levi was obsessive compulsive, from the way he chugged large quantities of alcohol to the kitchen being spotless and without fault, there was no trace of dust on anything. He grabbed a glass, avoiding moving any of Levi’s arrangements. The metal on the Tap was almost reflective  
, he used his sleeve to twist the tap. 

‘Here water’ he handed the levi the glass. Allowing him to drink then placing it back on the table. 

‘Coaster’ Levi yelped almost.  
‘Shit sorry’ Erwin said acting fast grabbing a coaster and placing the glass atop of it. 

‘Come on Levi’ he said extending out a hand. 

Levi grabbed his hand and didn’t let go. It felt warm under his and the feeling was intoxicating, levi made his head spin, no one had ever had such an effect on him, not even his wife. 

He pushed Levi down onto his bed. Removing his shoes ,his socks and his blazer. And pulling the duvet over him. 

Erwin turned to leave. ‘I don’t even get a goodnight kiss’ Levi spoke up. 

‘Good night Levi’ erwin smiled. 

Erwin laid back onto the couch head resting on his arm. His head was spinning, he wanted to decipher all the days events. But couldn’t get his head around how they had got to this point. He hadn’t even saw Levi in this way this morning or perhaps he had but denied it. 

Having Levi open up to him warmed his heart further. He thinks back to stroking Levi’s cheek and how delightful he was to touch. And then back to Levi leaning in, he thought about them sharing a drunken kiss. How Levi’s chapped lips would feel, how it would feel to have Levi’s tongue occupy the space in his mouth. He felt the blood rush to his legs. 

He tried to brush off this arousal. Throughout the night all he could think about was, did Levi actually return his affection or was he just spewing drunken nonsense.  
However alcohol only amplifies how a person feels and as they say-  
‘a drunken mans words are a sober mans thoughts


	5. ‘You were always on my mind’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who don’t know what a kitchen pass through is, i had to search the the name here’s a link. I did a pretty piss poor job describing it because of how hard it was to actually find the name. 
> 
> Link:
> 
> https://i.pinimg.com/236x/81/a2/13/81a213c176d9d728b3a59b8c5672a1ae--tear-down-kitchen-wall-open-up-a-wall.jpg
> 
> Pet shop boys (version)- you were always on my mind.

levis crown was splitting, sunlight burning through him. ‘Fuck’ he groaned, twisting from his bed, eyes darting to his clock. 5am. 

‘Shower’ he panicked discovering that he’d slept in his stale work clothes. He carried himself to his bathroom, each lethargic step winding him. He could’ve sworn he had reached his expiration date, like a spoiled peach, rotting from the inside out. 

He stepped into the shower, scrubbing away at the filth that expertly clung to his under arms. He kneaded the shower gel into his flesh, as a last effort to wash away a miasma of stale liquor and vomit. Skin flushed red, as the cloth tore at his sensitive skin. 

The same spot, repeatedly purified, he wouldn’t stop till his skin was flame red, and burned. Once satisfied he stepped out placing down towels after each step, ensuring that he didn’t infect his skin again. 

Today was abominable, to him all was evil. The floor, food the very clothes that would embrace his body. He knew very well, mixing alcohol with his meds counteracted the effects, revoking all he had worked through. 

He tiptoes, attempting to not contaminate his skin, grabbing a pair of white as paper boxers and slipping them on, fabric brushing past Levi’s, taut swollen skin, his eyes watery at the very sensation. 

He sluggishly moved from his bedroom to his kitchen. The living room was separated by a sage green wall with a kitchen pass through, a marbled worktop settling on the pass through. 

Upon entering his kitchen Levi spotted several items had been rummaged through, and his sink had been tampered with. The tap always had to be facing the window at a 90 degree angle both red and blue. The blue mirrored the living. 

‘Levi’ a voice spoke up behind him. He twisted around, pivoting on his heels. 

‘What the fuck’ erwin sat up wiping the sleep from his eyes, hair began to sprout ever so slightly on his chin, And the dark circles under his eyes where ever present, but deeper this time. 

‘could I perhaps borrow your shower’ he spoke voice deep and hoarse. ‘You tampered with the taps’ Levi shouted agitated. 

And then it all came back to him, like the flood gates had opened, and all of the night before events rushed through. the way he carelessly drank shot after shot, emptying the contents of his wallet. To the way he needlessly gripped onto his pills like his life depended on it. 

And then came back Erwin’s hand on his face, and the tears that ran down his cheeks, thick and heavy. 

‘Hey, where did you go’ erwin asked standing, levi broke from the dispute between the nights events and what was fact or fiction. 

‘Why are you here-did we?’ Levi said voice wobbly and unsure. 

‘No,no definitely not’ the words felt sharp as they left Erwin’s mouth. Levi nodded and marshalled erwin to his bath room. 

‘Are you sure you don’t just want me to go home, if this is difficult for you’ erwin asked gently. 

‘There’s nothing fucking wrong with me’ Levi growled defensively. 

‘Do you remember last night?’ Erwin asked placing a hand to Levi’s shoulder. Levi jumped back, as if touch starved. 

‘Yes’ levi said eyes avoiding Erwin’s. ‘I mean what I said about quitting- I can’t fucking work around you anymore’ he said moving from Erwin’s space. 

‘Don’t -please. ’ Erwins gaze deepened, the choice of words were tactful on his part, he wheedled his response from him like a spider forming his web. 

governing his response, he controlled each and every part, every moment was carefully crafted, Each fragment silky and bittersweet. Erwins eyes wandered to his soft pink lips, he stepped forward narrowing that space between them, Levi had become completely and utterly infatuated with this man, he now had become like a defenceless animal trapped within his web, and now Erwin was ready to pounce.

They stood so close now that Levi could feel Erwin’s cold breath hit his skin, the very sensation sent shivers down his spine, he lent up closer, eyes large filled with animalistic greed, he didn’t just want him he needed him.

Erwin had him exactly were he needed him, he couldn’t believe how impressionable Levi was, how someone so shut out from the world had given himself utterly and completely to someone who was seemingly a stranger. He paused for several moments studying the man, he marvelled in his beauty what a masterpiece Levi was, his body beautifully put together like art. This man himself exceeded all expectation of beauty, but yet he was not conventionally beautiful. His eyes were grey and dim, and his under eyes blue. 

He never saw how perfectly imperfect Levi was ,observing from a afar watching every move this man made, his mannerism, his compulsions, everything that made him who he was, everything he did so effortless, from the carefully placed, alphabetical ordered books that sat atop each other on his self or the completely spotless kitchen that seemed almost untouched, everything had an arrangement, this man was a living embodiment of order yet what he had with Erwin was completely spontaneous like a broken routine. 

‘I should go’ erwin said. Eyes wandering to the ground. 

‘Please don’t leave me’ Levi said sounding like a wounded animal. 

‘Yes,of course- I’ll need to leave for the office soon, they’ll be suspicious’ erwin said lifting a hand to Levi’s face, rubbing his thumb along his cheek bone, caressing the ridges of his face. 

‘Kiss me’ Levi said. ‘Levi I can’t’ erwin responded. 

‘But you want Too’ Levi said.  
Erwin’s hand drifted from Levi’s face to his chest, each indent of muscle warming the tips of his finger. He lifted Levi up seating him on the sink, meeting him at eye view, erwin stood forward, standing wedged between Levi’s legs. The very action sent blood rushing to Levi’s legs. 

Erwin lent in rubbing his nose along Levi’s cheek, Levi’s breathing quickened. Erwin laid down kisses from his ear, to his cheek. His lips melting into Levi’s buttery smooth cheeks. His Lips had gotten so close to Levi’s and then he pressed his sweet soft lips to Levi’s, tasting the strawberry flavoured chapstick. Levi leaned into the kiss, and Erwin hummed. 

Levi wrapped his arms around Erwin’s neck, hugging him, as Erwin pressed kisses to his collar bone. 

Levi pressed his nose into Erwin’s sun kissed hair. He spent an inordinate amount of time probing the fragrant, ‘peach’ he spoke up. Erwin’s eyes wandered back up too Levi’s body , smiling he pressed another sweet kiss to his lips. 

‘I’ve got to go’ erwin said. Pressing another kiss into Levi. 

‘Stay’ Levi pleaded. 

‘Levi-I’m sorry I can’t do this. I’m married and straight’ erwin said rubbing Levi’s thigh. Levi pushed him to one side, and hopped from the sink, legs stinging. 

He walked past erwin, grabbing a shirt from his draw, throwing it over his head. Then digging his feet into his slippers. Erwin followed. He walked towards the door, opening it. 

‘Levi?’ Erwin asked. 

Levi’s eyes didn’t meet with Erwin’s. They were silent for a few moments but erwin left, stopping to twist around, he opened his mouth but Levi slammed the door in his face. 

‘Breath’ levi thought ‘breath’


	6. ‘Sweet Little lies’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fleetwood mac- sweet little lies.

Levi deemed himself a cold, vindictive killer. lips like poison, kiss toxic. To even think of erwin undressing him, laying wet kisses to the crook of his neck- felt sinful. ‘I the iniquitous home wrecker’, a title he had given himself, perhaps the name should be chiselled into his skull. So he can carry this burden around with him, And wear it like a cloak, masking the person he feared he’d become. 

the sky was a dusky blue now as the crisp sunrise crept out. But clouds would begin to form, and thunder would thrash through the sky and lighting would erupt, bright and god fearing. The rain fell aggressively, hail tapping at his tall windows, it was ironic to say the least, as the climate parodied the condemnation that took his mind hostage. 

‘Erwin erwin erwin’ his name tasted sweet, giving Levi a sugar rush. 

**

Levi had every intension of marching down to pixis’ office, handing the old sap his notice, and walking out. 

No farewells, just leave. Earning the ‘cold’ appellation he had chosen for himself. So with that he pressed pen to paper, the words tasted bitter leaving his mouth, each sentences dotted without feeling. Letter signed, with a name that didn’t feel like his. and a ‘thank you’ that felt disingenuous and hollow hearted. 

The letter had been written countless times in his head. Each draft not seeming up to par, he fiddled with his shirts, suit black and tight, carves bursting through his pant legs. He dipped his finger in a pot of gel, slicking his hair back till it sat stiff and effortless. He adjusted his tie, and finally patted down his suit. 

Facing erwin had been a hurdle he was not looking forward to jumping. Seeing his ocean eyes fiercely pierce through him. Brows thick and weighing heavy, face fixed indecipherably, the way he shamelessly smiled, lips pink and smooth. 

It almost felt cruel- like a wicked game had been forced upon them, these two unsuspecting victims thrown together to construct a forbidden love, a love formed on the grounds of secrecy and delusions.

‘Breath....breath’

**

The office, a venue we’re silence was a distant dream, had been somewhat peaceful today, Connie had his head down, burning through a small amount of stacked files, the other employees seemed to be doing the same thing, showing no interested in each other, the air felt tense- but erwin had been to hungover to deal with the issue. Therefore he proceeded to his office. 

Erwin was relieved to have come into a quiet office, head throbbing, and eyes burning, starring at a computer felt like an impossible task. 

‘Sir’ Connie said popping his head round his door. Erwin, jumping at the very action. 

‘Yes’ erwin groaned- not meaning to sound aggravated. 

Connies face sifted looking almost wounded at Erwin’s response he spoke ‘I’m sorry about leaving last night’ voice wobbly. Before erwin could respond Connie continued. ‘I pick my little girl up from her grandparents at 6’ erwin was taken aback by the sudden revelation. 

‘I may act like I don’t care about this job- but I do, now more then ever’ Connie finished. 

**  
Connie springer, hair shaved, ashy blonde, 20 years of age. Recruited at age 19. Connie was and had always been considered the class clown for every instance in his life. Pre school, high school , college and his first job. The mans work efficiency shifted like the 4 seasons. Autumn, work flying out at an alarmingly fast rate, winter work being completed at a steady rate. Spring, energy springing and summer, lame and lethargic, work barely if not ever completed. And for Connie he had hit summer. Stuck in a slum. 

Erwin watched the man leave his office, like a wounded animal. ‘Connie’ erwin asked before Connie could sep through his door. ‘Send Ymir in please’ he said gently. 

‘Yes sir’ 

Her coffee-coloured hair, and brash expression, would be the first things he’d see. And that glare, reminded him of Levi and his cheeks began to burn. Ymir must have spotted this because the look she had plastered on her face resembled only confusion, as Erwin’s thoughts travelled elsewhere. 

‘Your not going to ask me out are you sir’ she asked Smuggly. 

‘No, sit’ she did. 

‘How much have you done today?’ He asked. 

‘Alot’ 

‘Great’ he said pointing to Levi’s stack of files. 

‘Well can Levi not do them considering there his’ she retorted. 

‘Levi is away’ he said, the name leaving his lips tasted bitter and gritty. 

‘Why’ she asked. But erwin only pointed to the large stack of files. And she took them, face dark and miserable. 

Levi the man who less then 24 hours ago held him tightly, laying kisses into his golden undercut. He Recalls the sweet taste of his skin as he greedily planted kisses along his well defined collar bones ,and the way he told Levi that it had been a mistake like a sweet little lie. It hurt, having to pull himself from Levi, having to walk out, when really all that he wanted to do was pull the man closer. But he couldn’t and now he had to disguise how he had really felt. 

**

This was it. His last shot at redemption, before he’d find himself too far gone. Everything seemed dimmer and lacklustre then usual, sky grey, rain clouds looming over, wind seemingly pushing him away from the building. But he pushed on. 

He walked through the corridors hoping to not see anyone he worked with or worst of all erwin.  
Luckily, he reached pixis’ office. He knocked. His stomach cramped. 

‘Ah levi’ the man smiled, but it seemed half-assed. 

He threw the envelope on his desk bashfully, and the man was taken aback. 

‘Notice?’ Pixis asked dumbfounded. 

‘Yes’ Levi responded voice soft. 

‘Well, we will be sad to see you go’ he lied. ‘Very Well then’ the man sighed. 

‘You wish to leave now?’ Pixis asked. Levi nodded. 

‘Okay hand in your key card and pack up your things- thank you for your hard work’ pixis smiled and it seemed genuine this time. 

Once he stepped out his phone buzzed. Hange. 

‘Hey sleepy head-why haven’t you been answering your phone?’ She asked. 

‘I just quit’ he said. 

‘What! I was just on my way in to talk to Erwin’ she moaned. 

‘Take the job- I won’t hold you back’ 

‘What brought this on Levi?’ 

‘I’ll tell you when you get here, but you better keep that big mouth shut’ he said. 

‘Well you did ask me kindly’ she joked. 

**

Levi pushed through the office door. ‘Quiet?’ He thought. ‘Great’ when he leaves they finally decide to shut up. 

‘Hey, jackass come get your files’ Ymir frowned. He ignored her, heading for the office he and Erwin had shared. 

Erwin had been sat head in arms. A very productive way to spend his break. 

‘Levi’ he said eyes growing wide. ‘Are you okay?’ He asked. 

‘I’m here to get my stuff’ Levi said, cold. 

‘Oh, eld agreed to give your office back?’ Erwin asked. 

‘No, I just quit’ Levi said eyes not meeting Erwin, in fear that he’ll leap over the mans desk, and press kisses into his skin. 

‘What. Come on Levi, that isn’t necessary ‘ erwin said standing and Levi took a step back. 

‘Stay’ erwin said. ‘Me and you, we can figure it out, just stay’ erwin pleaded. 

‘And Marie!’ Levi asked. 

‘She doesn’t have to know’ those words so coldly spoken, like the name Marie meant nothing. Just a Name no heart that is easily breakable and no mind filled with suspicion. 

‘I can’t be the person that ruins your fucking marriage’ Levi shouted. Erwin attempted to shush. 

‘You know fuck You, for thinking that you can manipulate me into staying, and fuck You for doing this to your wife you bastard’ he growled. 

‘Manipulating?’ Erwin asked. ‘I didn’t force you to do anything’ erwin growled. Levi paused then leans down continuing to pack his stuff, he felt Erwin’s presence closer now, and then the mans large hands gripped his arm. 

‘Can we start again’ erwin asked softly. ‘I’ll talk to pixis, you still have a job-please levi’ 

‘Leave Marie’ Levi spoke up abruptly. 

‘Levi, we kissed once. I’m not ready to end my marriage-I love my wife’ erwin spoke. 

‘Okay’ Levi said voice quiet. ‘Levi I really like you’ erwin said placing his hand to Levi’s cheek. ‘Let’s just see each other and where is leads it leads’ erwin continued. 

‘Fine’ he sighed, cursing himself for relapsing so easily. ‘but I want my own desk now, and hange gets to be my assistant’ Levi said. 

Erwin leant in kissing him, and it felt more soft then he could remember. The kiss, passionate and sweet, ended when Ymir nocked at the door aggressively. They pulled back, levi wiping his mouth. 

‘Sir? These files?’ Ymir asked but before she could finish. Levi closed the door on her. And twisted round facing Erwin’s again, he rested his arms around his neck and stood on the tips of his toes. He kissed him again, soaking up their moment together. 

‘So correct me if I’m wrong but, you won’t me to appoint hange as your assistant. So we have my assistant with his assistant who assist me with my work and also the work my assistant didn’t complete’ erwin thought. 

‘Stop’ Levi smirked. 

‘I’ll talk to pixis’

‘Ok, I’m taking the rest of the day off-text me?’ Levi said sweetly. 

‘Of course


	7. ‘Get out of my dreams, get into my car’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Billy ocean- ‘get out of my dreams, get into my car’
> 
> Really sorry this didn’t go out as quick as the others I’ve had a bit of a block and I’m sure it shows. this chapter will definitely be getting edited but anyway I hope you enjoy. :)

the weather in its self was nothing less then sharp and icy, each step dangerous, as the snow froze over and the ground was hidden and undetectable beaneath. Levi’s commute to work had been a little difficult, more so then usual. 

He yawned, passing through this intersection to pick up hange, had always been a task in which he’d grown tired of completing, he’d be sure to lecture her about learning to drive. 

He recalls the first time he took her in his car, and her dangerous fascination with the steering wheel, and wanting to drive his car. To Levi, nothing angered him more then dirty hands on his steering wheel, or someone scraping his car. He’d had several bumps in his life, and the one scratch made the car unuseful to him, one inconsistency, or one thing out of place and the car was to be ‘scrapped’. 

‘Hey’ hange grinned, tooth paste clinging to her cheek and hair, frizzy and barely brushed. 

‘You slob’ 

‘Hm’ she smiled then continued to witter on about subjects uninteresting to Levi, but he appreciated the moments he spent with her. ‘His sister’. 

‘Oh Levi, remember when you quit?’ She asked. A few weeks had passed and he hoped the topic would have well and truly been forgotten, but it hadn’t and hange along with pixis had been coaxing him to talk. But he wouldn’t. 

‘Levi?’ She asked. 

‘Is it anything to do with the night out?’ She asked seeming upset. 

‘Did I do this’ she said eyes seemingly filling with tears. 

‘No , you idiot’ he pressed his hand gently into her scalp dishevelling her already messy hair. She brushes the tears from her dark eyes, guilt biting within her chest. 

‘If I tell you it could make our work life awkward’ he said. And hange sat silently for a few moments mulling over the information Levi gave her. 

‘Oh I won’t pry’ she spoke up finally, twiddling her thumbs. 

‘It’s nothing to do with Erwin is it’ she asked raising a brow. And Levi could have sworn he put his foot down, the car pushing forward, missing the car in front by a few millimetres. 

‘Okay okay, but you have to promise you won’t tell anyone anything I could get into a lot of trouble’ she nodded. 

‘Me and Erwin-we have a thing’ 

‘A thing?’ She asked. 

‘I don’t fucking know how to describe it’ 

‘You’re fucking?’ She said. 

‘No...well not yet’Levi said feeling guilty. 

‘Wait isn’t he married’ and Levi’s face lit up,red. 

‘Levi’ she laughed. And the the rest of the journey was awkwardly silent, levi could normally not get a word in edge way, but he could feel the steam leaving her head as the cogs within her brain attempted to decipher the situation. 

The rest of the day wasn’t particularly exciting it’s yet again proved to be a dull day of, documents after documents typed up, stamped- next. 

Hange played footies with Levi, or Levi kept his feet still while hange repeatedly kicked his shins. She did this on occasion, and Levi’s eyes would lift from the files and burn through her. She only laughed, each and every time. Erwin would looked up, shooting Levi a concerned look. 

‘Levi’ hange spoke up. 

‘Hm’ he mumbled barely listening, not convincing anyone hat he was actually paying attention. 

‘Remember our first summer’ she asked smile planted on her face. 

‘No’ he emphasised. He knew what year, month, day and time she was referring Too and his face shifted red. Embarrassment creeping through his body. 

‘Go On’ erwin smirked, egging her on. 

‘Please- can we not fucking talk about my shitty childhood at work’ he said seeming upset.  
Hange noted this, feeling as if she had crossed a line in some way.

Levi’s first spring, summer, autumn and winter and His first Christmas and birthday without his mom had been a sour subject. His mother would always have gone the extra mile for Levi’s birthday. Christmas Day and Levi’s birthday both on the twenty-fifth. 

He’d be greeted with the smells of bacon, fat sizzling, it felt wrong but tasted good. He’d hop down the stairs, white Jurassic park pjs on , and his teddy tucked securely under his arm. His mom would lift him up into the air, making this birthday the best. 

**  
The snow hugged at the windows as the cold fruitlessly tried to break in, but the house was warm. The steps cool beneath his feet, and he is seemingly guided by the smell of bacon, and a Duran Duran song playing on the radio. She hums and it lulls Levi. 

‘But I won’t cry for yesterday, there’s an ordinary world, somehow I have to find- and if I try to make my way to the ordinary world, I will learn to survive’ she sang, flipping the bacon. Levi sat, hands clasped on the banister, listening to his mothers soothing voice. 

‘What is happening to me?  
Crazy someone say  
Where is my friend when I need you most?Gone away’ she continued. 

‘Mommy’ levi muttered, pjs creased from a good night sleep, and eyes groggy, yet to adjust to the Christmas Day lighting. 

‘Good morning my little birthday boy’ she grinned. Lifting him from the step and popping him in a high chair. This had been his 3rd birthday. 

‘Happy birthday’ she smiled placing a kiss to his forehead. This had been 20 years ago Now and he recalls each and every moment as if it had happened in the present. 

**  
Levi’s mind seemed to wander, eyes locked at the same word, that he could have sworn he had read around twenty times. 

‘Levi’ erwin asked.  
‘You okay?’ He continued. 

‘I just need some fresh air’ he stood knees feeling wobbly. 

The cold air hit him fast, these freezing temperatures stealing warmth from the office. Levi didn’t mind it too much, he always proffered the cold to the warmth. Being cold you can wrap up, while being too warm meant clothes become a thing of the past. 

‘Hey’ Connie smiled. Cigarette burning in his lips. One foot leant against the grey wall and the other holding him up. 

‘What’ Levi asked coldly. ‘Want one’ Connie asked. 

‘No, filthy habit, rots your insides’ Levi responded. 

‘Point taken’ Connie sneered. ‘We’re all going out next week, for a staff do, I think it’ll be great, you wanna come’ Connie asked. 

‘Spending the evening with everyone? Sounds terrible I’ll give it a miss’ he said honestly, leaning back against the grey stone cold concrete. 

‘Think about it’ he said, dropping the cigarette to the floor and putting it out. He left and the bad smell of smoke followed. It felt good to breath fresh air again. To have the very place that he deemed rightfully his, back. 

This part of the building or the exterior of the building, outlooked the city, as it sat upon the hill. The sky was Snow White, as snow fell slowly and gently to the floor, barely sticking, now that ice slicked the ground. 

He marvelled in the peace, and serenity that came with just standing there, fresh air, warmth and all that was hectic stood far away, down in the city where the day never ends. Where noise is every present no matter the day or time. 

The home he grew up in, placed atop a hill, tall trees looming over and plants overgrown like forests. Seemed to remind him of this place. We’re life was scarce, the only sound to invade theirs ears was varied wildlife, and bugs. 

Ten minuets had past before he snapped out of this daze that held his mind captive. Back to work, he thought. Groaning. 

**  
Levi made the decision to take a detour from dropping hange off, the journey would be a few minutes longer however the traffic was to bad for Levi to sit through it for what seemed like forever. 

the streets were quiet, barely occupied, only a few cars had past. He enjoyed the peace, driving 50 miles per hour rather than a 5 mile per hour, this speed rate that would barely see him to the lights before an hour. 

His engine light began to flicker, and his car began to expel black fumes. 

‘Come on you piece of shit’ he said, Fist hitting his steering wheel in a fit of rage, he felt the car begin to slow down and judder, he cursed at his low priced car. 

He pulled in, no light to be seen, as tree stood over him, as if watching his every move. He began to feel conscious about what had been hiding in the trees, he felt eyes bring through him. It had been at least minus two out and Levi’s car began to freeze, he took his phone from his pocket, fingers shaking like ice. 

‘Ee-erwin’ he shook. ‘My piece of shit cars given up on me’ he moaned. 

**

His wife dressed elegantly. Red laced dress, hitting the floor, hugging her tight figure. Large red earring dangling from her pierced ears and her eyes shined green, with grey eyeshadow smoked out on her eye lid. Erwin couldn’t lift his gaze. She looked beautiful. He considering sacking the meal off and removing that dress from her body with his teeth. Then placing his head between her legs watching her squirm. 

‘Hey, do you think I’m a little overdressed’ she frowned. 

‘No, not at all’ he smiled placing his arms around her hips, laying a kiss to her lips. 

She laughed wiping her Satan lipstick from Erwin’s lips as it had transferred. 

‘You look stunning as always’ 

‘Stop you’re making me blush’ she smiled. He escorted her to his black SUV. 

Upon arrival, he opened the door for her then taking Marie’s hand. They sat and the table had a single rose sat in the middle of the table and a candle. 

‘You know erwin I’ve been thinking’ she said. 

‘That’s dangerous’ he joked. 

She smiled. ‘Do you want children’ she asked abruptly. 

Erwin almost felt his wine leave his mouth. 2 years into the marriage and this was something they had not yet discussed but clearly it had been plaguing Marie’s mind and rightfully so, If this was the man she was to spend the rest of her life with then she had to be sure they wanted the same thing. 

‘Not at this moment in time’ he said. She almost seemed disheartened, like he had shattered her dreams, but right now having a child didn’t seem right. Nor could erwin handle the guilt that came with turning his back on not only his wife but a child also. Then he’s thoughts drifted to Levi. 

A week or so since he tried to walk out on his job, they agreed to see each other but they haven’t kissed since then. Erwin laid awake thinking about Levi’s skin. In the shower he thought about bathing his skin in kisses, letting their bodies melt together in utter bliss. He almost felt guilty, laying next to his wife dreaming of another. 

‘Erwin’ she said. ‘It’s just a question’ she continued, squeezing his hand. 

‘Right, Sorry. You just through me off. I didn’t expect to be playing twenty questions tonight that’s all’ he rubbed his neck. 

‘It’s important erwin- because I want kids...with you’ she removed her hand. ‘Tell me now if that’s not what you want’ she looked down. 

‘Of course it is Marie, Now just isn’t the right time- Okay?’

‘Okay’ she smiled and with that Erwin’s phone began to vibrate. 

‘Turn it off’ she moaned. Levi the screen read. He stood, signalling to his wife that he wouldn’t be long. 

‘Ee-erwin, my piece of shit car has given up on me’ Levi said shivering. 

‘Ah shit Levi I can’t help’ 

‘Why not’ Levi growled. 

‘It’s date night’ 

‘Oh lucky you, guess I’ll just freeze my dick off, thanks for nothing’ he said hanging up the phone. 

Erwin turned eyes meeting with his wife, she looked a mix between concerned and annoyed. 

‘I’m so sorry, I think we are going to have to cut this night short’ he said. 

‘I hope you’re joking erwin’ 

‘I’m sorry- waiter, can we get our food to go please and may I have the bill thank you’ the waiter nodded. 

He attempted to lift Marie but she shrugged him off looking annoyed. 

‘We’re are you going this time’ 

‘I’m having to run into work, I’ll try and be as quick as possible I promise’ she ignored him and the journey back was awkwardly quiet he could feel her frustration. 

They arrived home and he leaned over to kiss her but was only greeted by the car door slammed in his face. 

‘Where are you’ he said. 

**

He drove down a dark side street where there had only been trees and no light to be seen. Until he reached a secluded road in which he spotted a grey car and a small man, with a distinguishable look on hot face that showed nothing but frustration. 

‘Hi gorgeous needing a ride’ he joked. Levi smirked. ‘Get out of that big fucking car and look at my engine. 

‘Is that a euphemism’ he flirted. He groaned and erwin hopped out of his car. he lifted the bonnet, immediately greeted by smoke. 

‘Well..’ Levi asked. Erwin sighed ‘the battery looks to have died- we can try cranking it, but this cold weather doesn’t help’ 

‘Great- what should I do’ 

‘I suppose we could call someone to come out and pick it up to repair it. In this weather it’ll probably takes hours though so I recommend we go get something to eat then I’ll take you home’ 

‘Is the getting something to eat part really necessary?’ Levi asked. 

‘I’ve missed you, I’ve been thinking about you a lot’ erwin said moving closes to Levi. 

‘We work in the same fucking office, you big idiot’ 

‘With hange around’ he gripped his waist. ‘Can we go back to yours’ he said laying a kiss into his neck. ‘Fuck erwin you’re like a dog that need water’ 

‘I just want you’ he said kissing Levi pushing him back, leaning against the bumper of his car, the cold snow hitting his back sending shivers down his spine, however he was too focused on erwin to even care. ‘Car’ he said greedily.  
erwin did as he was told climbing into the back of his SUV. Levi followed suit. He leaned back on his elbows as Levi sat on his thighs rocking back, the very sensation sent Erwin’s heart rate sky rocketing but in a good way, a unforgettable way. Like on an all time high. He unbuttoned his shirt with nimble fingers that were cold to the touch, but he didn’t care, Levi’s body felt warm and once his shirt had been removed he lent up pressing kisses up his chest to his nipples. 

Levi gripped his neck pulling him in, as the pleasure was too much to handle, he was desperate now, desperate for erwin to undress him completely and separate the space between them and occupy the space between his legs, so he could give himself to erwin and Erwin could give himself to Levi. 

‘Fuck’ muttered. Erwin leant back up kissing him once more pushing his tongue in his mouth, occupying the space in Levi’s minty mouth. He almost felt privileged to be this close to Levi, the man damaged and controlled by his urge to clean and be clean, yet he had the mouth of another on his and his skin slicked with his and another’s sweat. It felt right. In this instance he didn’t care. He wanted to get filthy to be covered in whatever erwin could give him. To feel erwin inside him, were he belonged. 

He felt Levi’s hands gripped at his belt buckle as he blindly attempted to unfasten the belt. 

‘Shit- why they got to make this shit so impossible to remove’ erwin laughed removing the belt himself. 

Levi stepped off of his lap, head bowed avoiding hitting the roof of the car. ‘You got condoms’ He asked a little of his ocd peeking through. 

‘Shit no’ erwin said rubbing his neck. 

‘Fuck me neither’ he rolled his eyes. Leaping back on erwin kissing him again. 

‘Let’s’ kissing him ‘go’ again ‘back’ another kiss ‘to mine’ he rushed not wanting to part from Erwin’s lips for Too long.


	8. feels like we only go backwards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feels like we only go backwards- tame impala.

Levi pushed back, his spine arched uncomfortably against his cold apartment wall, Erwin's lips kissed the sensitive spot along Levi's shoulder blade, Levis body trembled beneath his touch, as intense waves of pleasure shot through his body, Levi's teeth dug into Erwin's shoulder as he thrusts forward, hips brushing past Erwin's. 

They took slow backwards steps, blindly towards Levi's room, there bodies glued together, as if guiding one another. It was clumsy and rushed and Erwin was venturing into unknown territory as he followed Levi's lead, he pushed his tongue further into his mouth, Levi tasted sweet and clean. 

'Where' Erwin gasped, growing frustrated at the stepping of toes.   
Levi pulled his tie dragging him to his room, dishevelling his uniform.   
'Fuck' Levi muttered. Finally he thought just him and Erwin alone now. 

'I really liked your room' Erwin smiled giddily, admiring Levi’s cleanliness. His cheeks were pink from the warmth of being pressed close to Levi's face. Levi pulled him in aggressively once more, shutting him up, his tongue pushing back into Erwin's mouth and his grip tightened on Erwin's shirt 

Erwin stopped, pulling back then wrapping his muscular arms tightly around his waist, pulling him into a tight embrace, Levi’s heart thumped, erwin listened, ear pressed to his chest. Each thump, like shock waves. Having him here, close, chest to chest, lips to lips, fingers interlocked tightly. Fingers nimble, fixed. Made all out there, all significant seemed to dissipate into nothing but unimportance. An after thought, forgotten and in the dark. 

‘You drive me crazy’ erwin mumbled into his chest. Levi pressed his fingers gently into his scalp, long fingers brushing out the tangles that had form when they had stepped over toes disorderly. 

‘That a good thing’ Levi said seductively, voice spicy and hot. Burning Erwin’s skin. 

‘Yes’ then Levi placed his hand under Erwin's shirt,trailing his fingers across his chest, feeling each indent of muscle against his finger tip, sending shivers along Erwin's body. the cold texture of his hands causing Erwin's hairs to stand on edges. now arousal began to well up inside of Levi, as it almost became unbearable. He reached down gripping the metal rim of Erwin’s belt greedily. He unfashioned his belt slowly, teasing and tormenting Erwin's desperation. 

the way Erwin eyed him, greed in his eyes, made Levi's arousal peak.   
'Shirt' Levi commanded with a growl. Erwin began detaching each button awkwardly, concentration shifting from his shirt to Levi's mouth and tongue.   
He removed his shirt from his body, flinging it onto the floor. Levi fought his temptation to stop and clear Erwin's mess, but the distraction of Erwin sweaty muscular frame outdid his desire to clean and his nervousness shrivelled away. 

Levi brushed his rouge swollen lips gently against Erwin's chest, sending a trail of kisses down his abs, to his waist and slowly to his hips, feeling the sharp narrow ridges against his lip. Levi pulled Erwin pants, but was interrupted when Erwin hand stopped his. 

‘Levi' Erwin panted, his hands gripped Levi's head tugging at his unkept black as night hair.   
‘What’ he lent up face meeting Erwin’s. Erwin twisted from the bed, brushing his fingers through his hair, a breath of air leaving his mouth, his shoulder laid low like a scolded dog. 

‘Hey’ Levi said, pressing an hand to his shoulder and Erwin flinched under the touch.

'This a problem' Levi asked. Erwin shrugged and Levi felt stupid. Like he crossed a line or perhaps he’d been led on. And with that, having someone sweat touching him and having someone be in his space, that dark part of himself he’d fought so hard to hide from the world. Now it had felt leaks erwin stole a piece of him. In this instance what had been Levi’s had been Erwin’s. 

Never had he felt this way about someone, never had anyone got under his bleached stained skin, in such way. He sighed. 

‘I’m going to shower, let yourself out’ he walked around. ‘Levi’ it he was ignored again. 

The water felt cold and sharp, hitting his skin, he envisioned the sin leaving his skin, evil clearing, drop by drop. He pressed his head to the wall, feeling the water fall over him, like the shame and guilt, but also the sadness that the thing he wanted could never truly be his. Only half, while he lays with another Levi lays alone. 

He heard the door open, erwin.   
‘I said leave’ Levi groaned voice wobbly. He ignored him and Levi growled. Through the fog, erwin undressed. Top, shirt, underwear. And then he stepped in. Levi’s eyes made contact with his chest, this felt oddly sentimental. Showering together. 

Again erwin pressed his soft hand to Levi’s cheeks, caressing the same spot he seemingly adored.  
‘I don’t want to rush’ erwin said quiet. Levi nodded. ‘What is it that you want from me erwin’ Levi said coldly. 

‘You’ he said leaning in to kiss Levi , water brushing past there almost inseparable lips, bodies hot and burning up. Both naked and bare. Now just bare skin. He marvelled in the firmness of Erwin’s chest. 

‘Is this Okay?’ Erwin asked gently. ‘Yes’ levi smiled subtlety. 

*** 

'Didn't think married men was your thing, but then again you are an arsehole' hange joked. 

'Me neither but Erwin's different' Levi groaned. 

‘You love him?’ She asked almost taunting him. ‘My levi in love’ she swooned and Levi’s face lit up bright, his cheeks rosy. 

‘No-fuck I need a drink' Levi pinched his brow. All this, seemed alien to Levi. 

'Lets go out, that should take your mind of your very attractive boss' 

'Doubt it if you keep describing him like that , four eyes. I'd rather just stay at home' Levi sighed. 

'Come on, it's Saturday night, we're young. Bet you'd pull' hange pleaded. Levi rolled his eyes and hanges grin only grew larger. And Levi didn’t want to find someone, to give himself to someone, because now he was Erwin’s. 

'your aware I have fuck all in my bank, right?' Levi groaned. 

'Right, well guess drinks are on me...' hange offered 'come on it'll be fun'. 

'How can you afford all these nights out on our wage' 

'Take that as a yes then, it's only eight. Get ready we could make it for ten' they hopped up from the warmth of their seat, offering a hand to pull up Levi too. Levi frowned his unwillingness was written along his face, however he reached out grasping that offering hand, and hange pulled him up. 

'Get ready' hange beamed. 

Levi ran his fingers through his sleek hair, pushing it back from eyes view. A sigh left his lips as he entered the room in which 3 hours prior he and Erwin had showered together. His heart thumping within his chest, why was he so hung up on this guy, his heart skipped a beat whenever his eye fell upon Erwin's and his palms grew sweaty when Erwin smiled at him, that affection that he showed no one other then Levi and his wife, it sent him crazy. he felt completely distracted as if trapped within the confines of his head. his eyes darted to his phone, as he considered texting Erwin off of a whim. 

He slammed his phone back down on his bed side table cursing at his lack of control, he pinched his brow as he felt his head began to burst.

*****

'Who'd have thought the Erwin smith would cheat on his wife with a guy' hange laughed. 

'Kinda reads like a shitty soap opera' Levi retorted. 'Can we just drop it' 

'Well I would but the bottom of your glass is getting more attention then me. Plus you look like your about to kill someone' Hange sighed. 

‘Another’ Levi asked. ‘No that’s his last’ hange interrupted remembering the events of a particularly terrible night, and the guilt that followed. 

‘He can have a lemonade’ hange said, Levi only groaned. 

His phone lit up and his hand reached for his phone like a reflex. ‘Damn I’ve never seen you run that fast, no even in track’ hange laughed. 

‘Erwin’ he mumbled. ‘Aw’ she giggled wrapping her hands around Levi. He let her. 

‘Dinner, tomorrow, noon?’ nothing else, and Levi responded.

‘Tomorrow’ his lips curling up into a smile. Tomorrow


	9. Sentimental reasons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is kinda filler, the next chapter which is already written just waiting to read through it make some grammar corrections, is more plot, also I don’t know why I struggle to write smut it makes me kinda uncomfortable to write myself I mean I have no problem reading it. Anyways enjoy. :) next chapter up this week. 
> 
> Song- sentimental reason sam crooke.

Levi’s emotion shifts like the earth on its axis, he experiences emotions like tornadoes, it hits him hard and deadly, this is also true with ‘love’ the four letter word that terrifies everybody. Some depend on love others loath it, and to some love is a paralytic. To Levi love had only ever been conditional, something that is easily given but also easily taken away .

Sunday morning couldn’t have come quick enough, Levi’s head hurt slightly, he admittedly got a little drowsy but he didn’t drink too much. He scrubbed at his teeth until every last track of old alcohol on his breath dissipated. Hange had slept on his couch and to his dismay she had made quite the mess. She seemed to have emptied his wine draw, that had been untouched by Levi himself. She stank but that had been nothing new. 

‘Get up’ he said throwing the red head a shirt. Luckily she had nothing Levi had been interested in. 

‘It’s 9am, what the fuck Levi’ she groaned. ‘Clean this shit up and go home, or pay fucking rent I don’t care just don’t mess my shit up’ he groaned picking up the chip wrapper. 

‘Brush your hair, you look homeless you slob’ 

‘Such kind words for your best friend, I love you Too Levi, compulsions and all’ she sneered. 

‘I’m going out at 11, stay or go, I don’t care, if you want to get into my bed while I’m gone thats fine, and I love you Too’ he frowned. 

‘Aww, Levi’ she jumped up to hug him, but he pushed her away. 

‘Shower first, before you climb into my bed’ she nodded. 

‘Ugh my head she groaned’ 

**  
Erwin’s nostrils were invaded by the spell of freshly cooked bacon, it guided him to the food in a cartoon like fashion. It smelt really good. 

‘Morning’ he said kissing her cheek. 

‘Morning’ she smiled ‘you wanna go out today, my treat’ 

‘Oh I can’t, I should really go into work and get some more work done for this week’ erwin lied. 

‘On a sunday’ she groaned. ‘Come on erwin can’t work wait’ she said seeming disappointed. 

‘I’m sorry’ 

‘It’s okay, as long as you aren’t seeing another women I don’t mind’ she laughed. And Erwin flinched, at the assumption. But he laughed awkwardly. 

He took his phone from the table texting: Levi (work) 

‘Good morning’ - erwin. 

‘Hi’-levi. 

‘Dinner at 12? :-)’ -erwin. 

‘If you’re paying ;)’ - Levi. 

‘Of course’ - erwin. 

He grinned into his phone then deleted the texts just in case.   
He grabbed a suit, with a red tie. 

** 

He pulled up outside Levi’s apartment, and Levi hopped in.   
Erwin pointed to the back seat, wear a rose sat.

‘Oh god, your not going to propose are you. This isn’t going to be like the bachelor’ Levi joked. 

‘Yes, would you like to take my name or shall I take yours’ erwin said. 

‘Hm, not sure Levi smith suits me, makes me feel like an uptight business owner who doesn’t pay his employees enough’ Levi said. 

‘That was oddly specific’ 

‘Hm- we’re are we going’ levi asked. 

**  
The meal had been pleasant although erwin seemed nervous, sitting on edge. 

Fish and chips a Well known dish of British origin, the food was well cooked and at a reasonable price or as reasonable a dish like this could be. 

‘What’s wrong with you, you look like your about to shit your pants’ 

‘Just worried about getting seen with you’ Erwin’s said. 

‘Oh because I’m an embarrassment or because that’s a little bit gay?’ He asked. 

‘I’m not gay’ erwin shouted louder then he had anticipated. And Levi almost looked hurt, like being gay had been something abominable and sinful. 

Levi took his card from his wallet and signalled for the waiter.   
‘I’ll pay’ Levi said coldly. 

‘No’ erwin interrupted. 

‘Shut up’ Levi growled pushing Erwin’s hand away. 

‘You didn’t have to do that’ erwin said as they walked from the   
Restaurant. 

‘Wouldn’t want you paying for the bill, that might be a little gay’ Levi retorts. 

‘Come on Levi, don’t be like that you know I don’t have any ill intent’ but Levi walked in the opposite direction. 

‘Stop’ he said grabbing Levi’s arm and actually being able to stop him this time, he span him round leaning in to kiss him, without shame and without guilt. People walked idly by yet he didn’t part his lips from Levi’s. 

‘I’m not embarrassed by you’ erwin affirmed. 

‘Okay, then hold my hand’ 

‘Didn’t know you were so affectionate Levi’ erwin said brushing his hand down his wrist and locking his fingers with Levi’s. 

After a long day of shopping and dragging Levi around by the hand like a small child erwin dropped Levi back at his house, he stepped out from his car and opened the door allowing Levi to leave. They both stood awkwardly. 

‘So’ Levi said. 

‘So’ erwin said then he hugged him, resting his chin on the top of Levi’s head, soaking up that family smell of peach. 

‘See you tomorrow erwin’ Levi kissed him goodbye. 

‘Bye Levi’ erwin smiled. Cheeks pink. His heart jumped, this thing with Levi was forming into something more serious and possible sinister. 

**

Erwin sat up right, eyes bleak, his patience was durable and hard-wearing, almost untouchable, As around him the turbulent employees, erupted into a ear splitting uproar . Yet he sat, only vigorously tapping his pencil against his wooden desk, as if something was plaguing his mind, or perhaps in irritation. However, erwin was not one to wear his heart on his sleeve, and feeling was seldom present. 

However Levi had seen a different side to him, endearing and caring a side many would be surprised to hear about. Erwin was not a horrible boss, nor had he been cruel. Erwin had just been Strict, he had guidelines and boundaries and if you had been in his way then he took no shame in putting it right. 

But now he seemed tense, like a ticking time bomb, ready to blow. ‘Hey’ he shouted. Connie jumped at the very sound, his voice ripped through the room vigorously. The words that would follow this were nothing less then boring. 

Levi’s mind had travelled elsewhere and by the time he came Too it had been lunch time and Erwin was adamant on buying his colleague a drink. 

As they walked Levi imagined what it would be like to tell people that this tall blonde stood next to him in the queue at Starbucks had been his boyfriend. The barista always shot erwin a look, a wink and Levi eyed her. Although he did not vocalise his distaste to her eyeing up ‘his man’ he’d be sure to make a mess of the table. Just to say ‘he’s mine’ 

‘Large soy mocha please’ erwin smiled at the brunette freckled barista who smiled through her braces and tried to hide the shade of pink her cheeks would turn when erwin asked how her day had been. 

‘You really gotta stop with the soya, taste like cat piss’ he teased. As the barista pulled the shot and placed the milk under the steam arm after purging it. 

‘It’s a healthier alternative, and it’s rich in protein’ 

‘Rich in piss, what does Marie make you drink that shit’ he said accidentally. As he hissed her name mockingly. 

‘The decisions is all mine Levi-what are you having to drink?’ He smiled. 

‘Tea’ 

‘Green, mint, apple or earl’ the barista asked almost showing off’ 

‘Just Tea, What is it with kids and their tea. It’s just fucking Tea’ Levi growled again. She nodded. 

‘Earl Grey Tea is actually quite nice Levi’ 

After their impromptu coffee break erwin warmed his hands in Levi’s as they sat at a tall table, Levi loathed these tables as he struggled to climb the high stools. But he enjoyed being eye Level with erwin. 

‘Oh’ erwin said pulling a leaflet from his bag and sliding it to Levi. Firework show. 

‘What. Are we twelve’ Levi sneered. 

‘Don’t you think it could be romantic’ erwin said. 

‘How about we sit at the top of the hill and you can fuck Me, it could be like pretty women except I’m not a prostitute’ 

‘But you are a pretty women, have you actually seen pretty women. I don’t recall there being a scene like that. ’ erwin joked. 

‘They fuck though- no I haven’t seen it ok. I just remember a social worker talking about it’ 

Once they left he could feel Erwin’s hand settle on the lower of his back and the sensation resembled a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. 

‘I really like you Levi’ he spoke up randomly after a few moments of silence. 

Levi stopped, ‘can I kiss you’ Levi asked. And Erwin nodded. Levi pushed him back into a conveniently placed ally way. The kiss was passionate and rough, Levi’s lips felt swollen and red and Levi’s skin began to heat up in the November weather. Just being here, in this moment made all the things that seemed unjust and cruel insignificant.   
** 

He lent back arm resting on the cold wet grass. The sky was lit, and Levi’s eyes grew bright. He could see him. Erwin, his eyes burning through him like fire.   
He was looking at Levi with sheer adoration, reminiscent of how Levi was staring at the sky just now. 

Levi felt him lean closer to him and Levi turned eyes awkwardly meeting with his. Their faces where within touching distance, As he watched Erwin’s blue eyes move from Levi’s eyes to his lips. Please He thought. To sit here upon the hill on the damp grass to let erwin undress him and to warm his body up. To feel erwin inside him had been something he had dreamt about. And now it could be a possibility. 

Levi’s breathing got heavier and his hands began to shake. And then erwin lifted his hand, placing it over Levi’s, gentle and softly with sentiment . And his heart seemed to mimic the fireworks going off down town, leaping in his chest. several seconds had past but to him it had felt like forever. His hand, so soft and warm under Levi’s. His skin smooth and warming, And his beautiful blue eyes tracing the line of Levi’s lips. And then he leans in. Sealing that space between them. His soft pink lips pressed against Levi’s and it was like New Years, when the clock counts down to midnight and once it hits, the sky erupts with fireworks, the crowd cheer, music plays. And all is well and truly good in the world, everything written fresh. As the year restarts again. 

This moment that they shared was fresh, Levi longed for him deeply and got what He had desired. He pulled back his eyes shifting from his lips to the ground. Erwin placed a hand to his face. He didn’t want this moment to end. 

‘Just stay here, with me’ he thought to himself


	10. wet suit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a short chapter, im pre written another chapter which is going to be a couple thoausand words long so expect more small chapters then really long chapters. i just need to have more chapters like this for the big chapter =. wpooojkg exciting emjoy :D

The sunbeams god fearing and dazzling, skirmished its way through the grey blinds that cloaked a concealed room as both men lay, legs tangled skin slick with perspiration. Bodies melting together, indestructible, seemingly fixed with glue. To leave here felt like an act of violence. To remove himself limb by limb from raven haired man seemed wicked.  
Levi still sound asleep, breathing softly in his sleep while clasping Erwin’s muscular chest, made the blonde man’s heart burst. He appeared so peaceful, blissfully unaware. Erwin only wanted to pull him closer, and to stay here, in this warm sheets with Levi for eternity seemed like a gift, heaven sent. 

‘hey’ Erwin said.  
Levi groaned, wiping saliva from his chin feeling slight shame at his openness. ‘um’

‘morning sleepy head’ Erwin beamed. ‘stop with the sappy bullshit, too early’ Levi said.

‘not a morning person?’ Erwin asked. 

‘wait. You stayed over?’ 

‘yes, she’s was at her sisters last night, so she won’t even know I’ve not been home’ 

Levi only nodded he was thankful that he didn’t mention her name.  
They both lay back heads hitting the soft pillows, bodies separated now. 

‘where do you see, this going?’ Erwin asked abruptly, catching Levi off guard. 

‘well guess I know that pillow talk isn’t your strong point, fuck knows, maybe a nice little cottage in the country side, few annoying kids and a dog. I’ll be a stay at home mom and you can be the breadwinner’ Levi joked.  
‘so, I don’t get to be the house wife?’ Erwin asked, raising a brow. 

‘of course, your cleaning is fucking awful, hange does a better job and that’s saying a lot’ he smirked.

‘I know what I want from this Erwin- I’m just not sure you want the same thing’ Levi said turning to face Erwin, eyes moving in sync with his chest, thankful that his heart was still beating. 

‘I care about you a lot Levi, I’ve grown very fond of you. And spending time with you is a blessing’ 

‘shit Erwin, sounds like you’re going to pop the question’ 

‘I’m being serious, you mean everything to me’ Erwin said.

‘then prove it, leave Marie’  
Erwin rubbed the base of his neck. ‘Levi, you know I can’t do that. I love her’ 

‘you don’t fucking lie and cheat on the people you love’ he growled. ‘I’m sorry if I’ve hit a nerve, but this isn’t particularly easy for me either’  
‘my father, he cheated. It broke my mother, she was never the same afterwards. My father was an asshole I knew it, but my mom she thought the world of him’  
‘Levi, me and your father are two entirely different people, you’re drawing comparisons between a rock and feather. The decisions are all mine you have nothing to feel guilty for’  
Yet he was in the wrong, Levi had plenty to be guilty for, even before the name Erwin left his lips. Levi played much of a part in this as Erwin. He had the power to say no yet he continued stealing kisses from a married man. 

**

Levi recalls, the heavy footsteps, creeping closer and closer to the door. The stench of stale liquor shadowing the figure. The front door slammed open, he crept out from his space themed bed, following the awful smell. Sat in the spot he deemed his, hands gripping the banister head peeping through. His mother sat motionless, face coated with tears, eyes red. His dad stumbled in, drunk again. But this time it was different. 

‘k. kuchel’ he slurred, struggling to form a coherent sentence. ‘I.I.I. I love yo. u’ 

‘and what about her, you love her?’ she asked voice wobbly.

‘her?’ Levi thought.

But he father did not say anything his silence spoke volumes. ‘just go! now!’ and he did. The days following Levi witnessed his mother breakdown, she didn’t think Levi noticed but he did. When drinking became more of an enjoyment then drawing with her son, yet Levi didn’t not resent his mother, it had been quite the opposite, through the tough times their bond as mother and son grew stronger.  
After that night, he didn’t see or hear from his father in a week until he showed up, in brief. He carried a box with what little belongings he had. He stopped patting levis head like an obedient dog. ‘you’re a good kid’ and with that he was gone Levi never saw or heard from him again. All he knows at this point is that his dad is happily married with two other kids. Yet he left behind Levi and his mother, and once levies mother died it had just been him. Alone.


	11. New England

had been a few months since they started, ‘this thing’. Well how Levi referred to it anyway; a name fitting for such an unestablished relationship. The kissing behind closed doors, a quick graze of lips before work, a kiss good bye and a squeeze. Levi under oath, was sworn to secrecy. Hanges craving for curiosity often than not would kick in, the moment the shrewd red head stepped foot into his car. Seeing Levi’s often characterless face light up at the very mention of the man triggered her inquisition, But Levi craved more from Erwin. More than a kiss. Something that would just make the statement. ‘Your mine’ fact. A statement that ‘you’ll always have me’, fact. But Erwin was dead set on staying with his wife, his loyalty to his wife was imperative, despite his deceit.  
Levi detested bringing up Erwin’s wife, the name tasted bitter on his lips, the very thought of Erwin’s skin upon another’s sent surges of anger jetting through his body. But how could he be like this. She was his wife after all.   
‘For better or for worst, till death do us part’ an unbreakable agreement, and Now Levi realised that in that saying, he had been the ‘worst’ the ‘death’ the ‘part’ he had been all the things wrong with his marriage. All the things that the bible condemned him for.   
Yet he couldn’t get him out of his system, like a drug.

Monday morning hit fast, as the weekend glory perished, swift and sudden. Getting out of bed, collecting all his uniform together and sluggishly putting it all together with dread was the conjunction of Monday mornings and a 7am start. With weariness Levi began scrutinising his appearance, pinching that accumulation of skin above his brow. ‘You’re getting old Ackerman’, his freshman year companions would tease. When the recurrent goings on of a teenager ceased to enliven him. And the very friends that once idolised his every move had grown up and moved on, found partners, a few even expecting babies. But Levi, uncaring, unfeeling Levi was yet to pinpoint his place in this world, a lost spirit drifting, anywhere with anyone he could get.

The drive to work had been the same, traffic, hange, ‘how’s Erwin’, ‘I don’t know why don’t you ask him’, cold air, annoying people in the office and Erwin blonde and stern as ever. Today had been no exception, everything as it had always had been, except different something felt amiss, like the days his father left and the day his mother had passed.   
Today he had sat at Erwin’s desk, as the corners of his had begun to ware from hanges meddling, she didn’t mind to much, she had been grateful that for once she could make a mess.   
Levi had his head down, eyes fixed on his work only, but he felt Erwin’s blue, ocean eyes burning through him. He looked up. Meeting those eyes that told a million stories. His stare soft and gentle. he felt the man reach a hand under the desk, brushing it past his knee. Intentional or not the very action made Levi’s head spin.

And a few moments later his hand rested on his knee, and he could have sworn his heart was doing back flips within his chest. This. This was affection. They weren’t just sleeping together. He had been resting his nimble hands on Levi’s bony knee, like he meant something. Like Levi’s presence was vital. And In that instant, he wanted to cup Erwin’s face pull him close, and whisper unspoken truths along his body.

‘I need you’   
‘I crave you’   
‘Be mine’

‘12pm’ the red head spoke up. Leaving the pile of papers behind with no hesitation as the hour for food hit her fast. The door closed and Levi felt the oxygen leave his body. ‘At last’ he thought.

‘Bathroom’ Erwin spoke up.   
‘Bathroom’ Levi affirmed.

The cubicles where tight and had little room for movement but they stepped in. Levi wasted no time pushing Erwin back. Yet he didn’t kiss him, he teased. Letting Erwin beg.   
‘Please’ He murmurs, breath thick.

Levi hummed, soaking up the taller man’s desperation. He kissed him, occupying that warm all too familiar space within Erwin’s mouth with his tongue. He could hear Erwin submerging himself in the minty taste of his breath. He felt the man’s hand slip down to his waist, and then to the hard ridge of his groin. Stroking his hand over the taut fabric, and the sensation sent blood rushing to his legs.

He couldn’t help but moan feeling Erwin touch him in this way through his pants, with animalistic greed. It seemed he had been experiencing Levi withdrawal. So here, in the very building they met, Levi had Erwin pinned to the wall, while Erwin’s hands explored every concealed crevice of his narrow body.

‘Can we talk’ Erwin interrupted.

‘No’ Levi said kissing him. Erwin pulled away. ‘Seriously Erwin you’re going to pull this shit again, I want you’ he growled.

‘Just bear with me’ Erwin said. ‘I’m just unsure’ he said.   
‘Oh’ Levi stood back. ‘You want to end this’ Levi asked.   
‘Maybe, it’s for the best’ Erwin sighed.   
‘Why’   
‘Marie’ and Levi tutted at the very name.   
‘I love her’ he said.   
‘Then why start this’  
‘That’s a good question, but I’ve never been more sure about anything in my entire life. Marie is the one good thing I have, without her I’m no one’ Erwin said gently.   
‘And what about me, I wasn’t good?’ Levi said trying not to sound hurt. Like all the secrecy and looks had been for nothing.   
Erwin’s silence had been all telling.   
‘You’re a fucking asshole, you know that?’ Levi shouted pushing him into the wall hard, the advance winding Erwin. He unlocked the cubicle door in a fit of rage.   
‘Again’ he thought. ‘Again’   
**  
The Saturn sheets hugged his almost naked body, as his wife’s slim frame had seemingly been glued to his side. ‘Erwin’ she mumbled at 5.15 am.  
‘Hm’ he said rubbing the sleep from his eyes.   
‘Sit up’ she said cupping his hand, fingers fiddling with the ring that had metaphorically been slipping from his finger. how could something so small, something made of metal communicate a bond. Love. Sentiment.   
To Erwin, it had only been a ring, importance seldom present since his lips feel upon another’s. His mind had been like a game of snakes and ladders. The moral dilemma of craving something else but feeling his heart skip when his wife fits into a tight dress. Role a ten up the ladder to his wife. Role 2, down the snake to Levi. Back to square one. Back to a life without commitment, a life with little to no responsibilities.   
Levi admittedly made him feel young, like a free spirit. Every aspect of Levi’s being seemed perfect to Erwin. Like Levi’s dark hair, dark eyes where light, bright something of great significance and something that could not be ignored. As if he had hit a gold mine. But his feelings for Marie had been similar if not an exact equivalent. His love for her was ever presenting and undying.   
‘I’m pregnant’ she spoke up. Erwin felt his jaw drop. ‘Fuck’ he accidentally muttered aloud. Not ‘fuck’ at creating a life with the women he loves. But a ‘fuck’ at the possibility that he could’ve thrown this all away.   
‘What’ she asked. But he kissed her. Unsure if this had truly been something he wants. Like an indecisive child in a candy shop Erwin was conflicted between being with Levi and being faithful to his now pregnant wife.   
So, he knew. Today. When he could be with Levi alone, he’d end it. No matter how difficult no matter how tempting it is to kiss Levi. He Will end it. Because Marie needed his full unbinding attention, in his life he had no room for love for anyone other than his wife.   
**  
The office felt cold and meek as if that buzz of energy had been misplaced. Levi had failed to return from lunch, and rightly so.   
And hange still scoffed a pepperoni pizza that she must have ran downtown for at 100 miles per hour to get back here in time for her break to end.   
‘Where’s grumpy’ she asked, cheeks full like a hamster. Erwin had almost been disgusted by her lack of table manners, however this hadn’t been a lobster she was eating, and they weren’t at a five star restaurants so he quickly dismissed this. Fine dining or not however he still felt sickened after tucking into this salad his wife prepared.   
‘I don’t know’ he said seeming concerned. She kept eye contact for as long as she could, it felt awkward and Erwin knew something was amiss.   
‘You know if you hurt him, I’ll have to kill you’ and Erwin didn’t know whether she had been serious or not, her tone low yet the phrasing sounded brash and coarse.   
‘Excuse me’ he retorted, attempting to seem dumbfounded by the red heads sudden proclamation.   
‘Don’t be stupid Erwin, I know there’s more to this. And I also know that your wife would be displeased to find you messing around with a man. Does seem rather distasteful if you ask me. But I won’t pretend that Levi is innocent in this either’ she seemed to blurt out, a personality that seemed unfamiliar and unjustified.   
He contemplated how she had just jumped to such huge conclusion. Unless Levi had told her.   
**  
Levi busted through the toilet doors, not heading to the office but to the door, he fished his keys from his pocket, pressing the button to unlock and being thankful that he didn’t have to unlock his car, while his fingers where shaking, and his breathing was hitched and inconsistent.   
And now in his car he sat there. He wasn’t sad because Erwin ended it, I mean it had been inevitable, affairs never work. The adulterers would never leave their significant others, the statistics didn’t lie.   
He felt sad because for those few bitter sweet months Levi felt needed, like in this world he had a place to be, like a jigsaw puzzle, Levi found his place where he seemingly fit perfectly. But now it seemed, all had been a facade. Not in the wrong place but on the wrong puzzle.   
Maybe Levi had been a piece long lost and forgotten. Apart of a puzzle nobody wishes to use anymore. A dated afterthought.   
So, he pushed his keys in, twisting to start the engine, to anywhere, any place that hadn’t been here. Because here is where he didn’t belong, here had been a piece of a puzzle he once loved. I’m But now it had been grizzled like hair fine and grey.   
The drive downtown had been surprisingly peaceful. Downtown lively as ever. Booming with life. A small corner shop sat a few blocks down from Levi’s apartment and he wasted no time pulling up outside, and closing the door behind him.   
His eyes skimmed the alcohol section, and he grabbed the bottle with the highest volume. He sat in his car, alone. The bottle sitting dangerously in his lap. Unscrewing the cap, he took a swig, face wrinkling at the taste.  
**  
Year 2012, the school halls heavily congested, Levi pushed through, attempting to manoeuvre with his red head friend who clasped his hand so tightly that it became numb. ‘what’ he groaned.   
‘Petra’ she shouted.   
‘what about her’ Levi winced stopping to rub his wrist.  
‘just shut up and come here’ hange pushed him into an empty calculus room.   
‘hey’ he shouts.  
He pivots around and Petra stood, hair short and bobbed, strawberry blonde, nose pinched and skin pink and freckled as ever.   
‘hi Levi’ she smiled. ‘hi?’ confusion written clearly along his face. ‘I was thinking, you know it’s like’ she stuttered fiddling with the ends of her neatly combed hair. ‘prom season’ she continued.  
‘hm’ don’t ask. Don’t ask. Don’t ask. Levi thought.   
‘well, I’ve made it clear that I like you and well I think you like me too so will you go to prom with me Levi’ shit.  
‘listen Petra, you’re nice but I really wasn’t planning on actually going’ he lied.   
‘oh’ she said sad. ‘we’re together though? Me and you?’ she asked.   
‘what gave you that impression’ he said almost sounding harsh.   
Her eyes filled with tears, and she barged past, Levi almost wanted to follow but there had been nothing he could say. The feelings she had Levi did not share, there was nothing mutual about her feelings, Levi thought it had been clear as day.   
Standing outside the door hange almost looked disgusted, Levi only shrugged his shoulders.   
‘urm, Levi excuse my language but what the fuck’ she said pinching his arm. ‘I don’t like her that way’   
‘she’s gorgeous, and you are subpar at best. How can you turn her down? Please Levi come on’ she begged.   
‘yes, she’s beautiful, but I don’t like her that way’   
‘why, you know you can tell me anything right?’ she leant against a desk.   
Levi nodded, but didn’t say a word. Silent.   
**  
The world shifted on its axis beneath his feet, Levi’s blood ran cold, hard neat liquor seemingly flowing through his blood stream. Heart working overtime he sits gripping at the wheel. Only partially drunk he jams the keys into the ignition and starts the engine up.   
Everything in twos, everything double yet Levi sits alone, just one. He recalls rejecting Petra, back then he couldn’t seem to fathom why she had acted so irrational but now, in the mites of heartbreak, he got it. Believing something as gospel and that you could have a life with someone. Yet it happens to be untrue, invokes inconceivable grief. The heart metaphorically splitting in two.   
**  
Autumn trundled in, as auburn leaves clutter amongst the streets. Autumn brought prom season, the night of prom was blistery cold, as the fall weather made its presence known. ‘fuck. Its freezing’ he moaned arms linked with hange’s. ‘maybe we’ll see Petra’ hange said.  
‘tch, maybe you should go to prom with her, if you’re that fucking obsessed with her’   
‘aw, you now I only want the best for you, you’re my little bro after all’   
‘ew, don’t call me that’ he groaned.   
The dance hall, looked almost unrecognisable, considering this hall was usually inhabited by lanky jocks who threw their wait around, the smell had also improved.   
It didn’t take long for Levi to spot Petra, she stood out like fire in the dark. Strawberry hair curled, each strand identical, her waist thin, legs narrow. Her body hugged a pink ball gown, that reflected the disco lights beautifully. Suddenly everybody in the room became out of focus, apart from Petra. Eyes green, lips pink. Smile almost extra-terrestrial. Levi felt his weight dragging towards her, like an unseen magnet pulled them closer and closer in to each other’s orbit.   
‘hi’ she smiled, her teeth white.   
‘hi’ Levi responded, words so easily spoken. ‘Petra, you look amazing’ levi smiled ever so slightly. This pushing him further out of his bubble.   
‘thank you’ she blushed. Levi offered her a hand to dance and she accepted. Her skin was soft and pale yet bright and vivacious. They swayed side to side, Petra repeatable stepping on his toes. ‘shit sorry’. Levi would only smile. It was almost endearing, to feel her eyes burn through him. To stand so close. Their noses brushed and Petra leant in kissing him. Her lips warm, gloss transferring. It lasted for a few seconds. And once they pulled back levi. Fell silent. ‘nothing’ he thought. He felt absolutely nothing.   
He stood back, removing his nimble hands from her waist, and turned rushing for the exit. Petra was as hange has described ‘gorgeous’ levi knew this, but he didn’t like her that way, he wishes he did but no, nothing. The same had been with other girls he felt nothing. 


	12. Quicksand

The affection Erwin had given him had minimally been a façade, or perchance an illusion Levi’s mind had created, exactly how he had derived such belief, that Erwin, the man he had given himself to utterly and completely, showed any semblance of caring was beyond him.

perhaps the figurative gears within his active mind, that often than not worked strenuously, span lies and disillusion. The memory of Erwin’s lips melting into his skin like butter the way his words left his mouth like a sonnet, each sentence breath taking, living its mark like a tattoo, eternally etched across Levi’s shadowy heart, the time they shared brought about his mistrust and uncertainty about what the future held for him, but at this point his future seemed bleak as, all things great and godlike paled in comparison to Erwin. Erwin had been the living breathing embodiment of the solutions to all Levi’s problems.

Levi had nothing but the bags that weigh him down. Nothing but the four walls that shelter him, had everything and nothing. He wanted to go back to the day they met. The day his lips fell upon Erwin’s. the day that his heart didn’t beat to the sound of Erwin’s steps. The day that feelings didn’t exist within Levi’s mind. However, Levi could wait forever, to see Erwin by his side. Follow him around like a dog that needs water, but he couldn’t have something that didn’t exist. Erwin was not Levi’s boyfriend and Erwin didn’t love him, not in the way he needed anyway. And Levi’s mind was sure not to let him forget the ghost of Erwin.  
Although their relationship, if he could even call it that, was in its infancy when it had ended, Levi had never experienced a feeling so profound. now this vacancy his heart held, could never be filled. No one could cause Levi to shake at the very mention of his name, no one could fill the void that resided within Levi’s mind, even before Erwin, Levi felt there was a missing link in his life. After his mother died, after his friendship with Petra ended after ever endless consultation with potential parents, every unhappy family, every apology. So Erwin the man who made him feel like he belonged in this world, the man he opened himself up to, behind a bottle, had turned into another missing link, and to think that he’d share something so great with someone else seemed unattainable.

Levi recalls turning the key, but how he had progressed to needlessly sitting outside Petra’s house, comparable to a stalker, remained unknown. He renounced her like a distant memory and there he sat, outside her little house, action fuelled by spirits, waiting for just a little flicker of what he could’ve had, how things could’ve been. His heart throbbed like thunder through his ears, so loud so, that he imagined it leaping from his chest, breaking through his car, to meet her at her door. suddenly he caught a glimpse of her dancing around, seemingly to his heart beat, her head bobs to an unknown symphony, he watches as all he can hear is silence. Everything had been said and done, no words could heal the pain he caused her, the wounds now scars, her heart now half, her smile now composed as if she’d rehearsed happiness. She knew the lines, she knew the melody, yet she was impassive, an illusion of ecstasy.

The wind rattles his car, the sensation scares him, he jolts. Knee hitting the steering wheel and then the horn, which in turn, echoes down the small quaint street. 

In her splendour as midnight rolls in, she turns, eyes meeting Levi’s through her window. She squints. ‘shit’ he jerks, spilling his bottle of jack on his lap. ‘fuck’ he cursed.  
Then he sees her door crack open, her hair glistens under the moon light, strawberry blonde as she leans round, taking a second glance at her intruder. She steps out fully now. Her shirt grey, a band of flowers hugging the fabric, this was Petra. The silky soft hair like velvet, dropping over her shoulders so naturally. the woolly flowery jumpers, that skin glossy and radiant. Her lips with the same ruby gloss she wore religiously, only ever around Levi though.  Her hair had grown not a lot but now red began to peak through, Petra loved to differentiate between ginger and strawberry blonde, not like she detested being referred to as ginger, but it was a sour subject, so it was almost a tasteless joke that her locks no longer differed from orange. 

‘Levi?’ she asked hugging her body. Levi looked up like a wounded animal. She still looked at him sheer with adoration, although their relationship was short and bittersweet. 

She lent down, facing Levi like a small child, she pulled the car door open, nose twitching. ‘are you drunk?’ she sniffed.  
And then Levi blacks out. 

**  
Hange sat like a fly on the wall as her nimble fingers cupped a drink. She surveyed every modest movement Erwin made. His hair unkept and shiny.                                                                                                                                     ‘didn’t hear from Levi last night’ the red head grumbles into a flat white; steam fogging her glasses. This drink bought by her boss as bribery for silence. vapour poured from her tiny skull as the cogs within her head, worked overtime, she worked her way through not only her work but Levi’s also, curiosity welling up at the pit of her stomach. She could see the tension between Erwin’s brows, his face straight laced and dour, as ever. Something was pestering his mind, and she was sure it had everything to do with Levi.

Every sound, every message or memo caused Erwin to jolt, in the hope that Levi returned. He worried admittedly, Levi didn’t like to acknowledge it, but in these past few months perhaps few year, Levi had been very frail and fragile. But Erwin did not believe Levi was weak. All that he had endured all that he had dealt with made him numb.  
   
**

He dug those grime free nails in his scalp to dig away at the pain within his head. The couch, we're a white ball of fur up next to him suddenly brought sense to him of where he was and how'd he'd gotten here. The cat, named fluffy, Petra’s small companion since high school, purred in his sleep. His fur still white as snow and soft to the touch. Levi pulled a strand of fluff from his mouth, face pinch at the very sensation.

'Morning sleepy head' those word reminding him of Erwin, reminding him what it was like to wake up next to the blonde.

'Here' she handed him a glass, gentle as ever.

'Levi, why are you here' she asked. Levi shrugs. 

Words not easily spoken, as he felt his tongue twist. Levi didn't know what had attracted him to this place, his car mimicked a magnet, pulling him into Petra’s gravitation, she sits next to him, pack straight and hands resting on her thighs.

'You know how stupid it is to drink and drive you dummy' she pinch his ear and he hissed and the action. 

'You could have hurt yourself or more importantly hurt someone else' it felt like a stern telling off from his dad. But Petra’s was right, Levi was foolish to think that the laws of life didn't apply to him and a life given can be a life taken away. And not by the likes of death, but to a death sentence far worse, guilt.

'Speak' she said.

'Can you just back of' he barks. 

'No! Levi, is your life that meaningless that you don't care about what the consequences may have been. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and tell me what's wrong' she shouts'

And again, Levi is silent. 'Levi, do you remember high school, when things would go to shit, and we would walk to the top of that hill that just sit, everything seemed okay up there, because it was ours, no one else's' Levi lips pointed up slightly. He recalls the hill, grass muddy. Putting his coat down on the ground so he and Petra wouldn't dirty their clothes, much to the dismay of his social worker who often than not collared him about his coat. He recalls the way the town looked, the hill painted the city in hazy Insignificance. Buildings like Lego blocks in this world Levi had created, the people mimicked ants. Levi loved how secure that feeling of no worry, felt. 

All that plagued his mind, all his troubles a distance away. that sweet feeling of refuge wouldn't have been possible without Petra.  She reached put grabbing his hand. 'Hey, why don't we start from the beginning'

**

Hange folded paper like origami, then flicking the paper at Erwin, as the blonde spoke to an unknown caller.

'Smithy' she mocked. Again, she folds the paper, aiming for Erwin, this time he looks up shooting the redhead a fiery glare.

'Have you heard from Levi' she asked for what seemed like the twentieth time. 'no, not my problem'

'Erwin are you completely Baron of emotion’ Erwin’s fist hits the table, so hard so the table jolts, Hange leans back sensing she had hit more than just a nerve. 

‘Miss zoe’ he sighs ‘I understand your concern for you friend, I share that concern too but I am not nor was I ever bond to Levi. He is fully capable of looking after himself. I made the most efficient decision I could, as his manger and as his friend, I knew what we shared could not and would not continue Ergo what me and Levi shared it’s over now. Levis feeling we’re growing more intense therefore I saw him as a liability to my marriage. So, I’ve justified my decision if You are unhappy with that then there is the door’ he points.

Hange stands collecting the files together. She carries at least 10 files over to his desk, dropping them onto his already large stack. ‘Looks like it’s going to be a late one for you smith, best let Marie know you won’t be home for dinner’ she smirks, spinning on her heel heading for the door.  
She’s sure to slam the door behind her, so Erwin’s ears can ring and the walls could shake within the building. All her colleagues heads bobbed up, and Connie stood.  
   
‘hange’ Connie smiles. ‘we’re going out Friday night, you and levi should come. I did tell him but he was.. ya know.. levi’  
‘ah, I know what you mean, and of course. Ill bring Levi. Even if I must drag him by his hair. But I’m afraid me an Levi will be attending as friends not colleagues’  
‘oh. How come?’ connie says, and hange can feel all eyes on her.  
‘ask the boss man’ she smiles. Leaving.  
   
**  
She brewed a pot of tea, green tea leaf seeping from the tea pot in the form of steam and into the cup it warms Levi’s hands as the tea nurses his hangover.  
‘you know’ Petra speaks up as her hands cup a warm ceramic mug.  
‘Hm’  
‘I have a friend who is thinking of taking clients again’  
‘for what’  
‘therapy’ Petra responds. Lip pointing up slightly with uncertainty. Levi’s eyes move from petra to his mug, dismissing the suggestion. ‘come on Levi, if you can’t tell me then you need to tell someone. Bottling this up, is... well I don’t know I’m not a therapist’  
‘I don’t need a therapist’ he barks. Petra sits up right, taken aback by her former friend’s brash reaction to the suggestion. ‘shit…’ he sighs ‘sorry’ he apologies, pinching his brow.  
‘does hange know, about what happening, whatever it is?’ petra asks.  
‘yes, well she knows to an extent. She knows about the affair’ he continues, revealing more then hed intended.  
‘affair?’  
‘yes’ Levi’s skin crawls just mentioning the ordeal that he’d put innocent oblivious Marie through. ‘im ruining someone’s life, but I just can’t help myself. I’m poisonous, everything I touch I tarnish, everything I love rots’

‘Levi’ she stands sitting next to Levi. Watching as his eyes piece the green with his cup. She removes the cup from his hand, settling it down on her table.  
‘you’re cheating?’  
‘no’ he breathes ‘I’m the homewrecker’  
‘okay, well it must be over now, if you’re here, right? Unless you don’t want it too be over’ she asks putting two and two together.     
‘I love him’ he admits.

  Petra ‘s life for the most part had been well rounded, all aspiration was ahead of her, dreams not too big to reach, life plotted out like a movie, however Levi, aged 23 and currently jobless was in fact the complete opposite to the girl he once considered to be his life. Someone so in common now a stranger. The girl with blossom lips and fair skin had the idea paved into her skull that therapy was and is the only way in which Levi’s problem could be solved. Nonetheless Levi didn’t need a therapist to tell him that his life was not quite ordinary. In addition to that, the whole, ‘wear your heart on your sleeve’ was not and would never be something Levi would do, but Levi didn’t take much convincing. And now he sat in his old car, hands gripping the wheel as he waits for his friend.  
   
She steps out from her house walking towards his car, she seems awkward. But Levi dismissed this for nerves, expectantly he and his old flame had barely spoken in the last few years, and now they both share each other’s companies like high school had begun all over again.  
   
She leaned back, dipping her hands into her jeans retrieving a paper, Creased and unreadable but she knew what it said. The address.  
   
‘Well’ she smiled. Levi’s mind adrift, in some place were Erwin’s didn’t exist and the beach was just a few miles from view, and his mother’s heart still beats.  
   
‘What’ he barks, not angry, but pulled from his imagination.  
   
‘Engine, key, drive’ she smirks, eyelashes lightly painted, blush probably a little too much for the strawberry blonde who’s skin turns plum at Levi’s rare smile.  
   
‘Levi, do you ever think about the what ifs’ and Levi was thrown by the sudden gesture as if his mind wasn’t riddled with ‘what ifs’ and ‘should haves’.  
   
 

   
‘Good afternoon Levi’ the short women beams. Hair jet black, skin white. ‘I’m Marie dok’ she says smoothly with ease, the name doesn’t sit well at the pit of his stomach, he sinks deeper into his seat, Reminding him of Erwin, his wife. The woman’s life in which he plays the antagonist, the home wrecker. His eyes dart to the door.  
   
The room was plain, ceiling white and low. A few bookshelves stood tall with science books occupying them. the only colour in the room was the brown leather chairs that faced each other. Marie herself wore a grey jumper with a tight skirt that hugged her legs tightly, her nails were lightly painted as they rest on her thighs, with a simple sheen, her skin pale.  
   
‘I’m a trainee psychologist’ she shakes his hand.  
   
she sits, leg folded over the other and pen pointed to paper. She scribbles what he assumed to be his name and circles it. Levi leans back in the leather chairs arms resting to his side, the door still within sight or still within distance to run away from his problems.


	13. Disconnected

Erwin tenses as the red head exited his office, exasperatingly slamming the door behind her, he grinds his teeth together then running his hand down because this knot in his neck seemed to tighten, further intensifying his throbbing headache, a headache accompanied by brooding, as Erwin was for the most part inconveniently apprehensive about Levi and his current whereabouts, it being twenty-four hours since his estranged lover went ‘walkabouts’.

In an ideal world or one Erwin fabricated, where white collar men standpoint, operated by string like puppets and biddable dogs stay put when instructed too. Levi would’ve complied, holding his head High, moving on. But Levi isn’t just anyone and emotion aren’t so cardinal. And perchance moving on wasn’t something Erwin wanted for Levi, and again his own feelings came into question.

He hated to admit it but Levi’s arrogant friend was right the mountains of work that occupies his desk would not be so easily completed. Taking one last sip of his cold coffee he stood, grabbing a chunk of the work and making a b line from his office, upon closing the door he spotted their plaque that read Mr E Smith - manager, and LEVI- assistant manager, he smirked, the name reminding Erwin of the time in which Levi chose not to comply to the last name rule. And of course all together not wanting his name displayed as if he was of some important stature, frankly Levi couldn’t careless, that being very apparent on the day, frustration being ever present along his face. 

‘Right’ he sighed. As an office of young adults turn and look at the man with sheer respect, something not given but earned. 

‘These’ he places them down. 

‘Done by tomorrow, I’m going home’ the office stay silent shock creeping along their faces but Connie is first to stand, an act out of character but he persists to stand and collect the files.  
‘Thankyou’ he smiles. They nod and Erwin takes that as acceptance and leaves. 

Erwin wants to hold his wife. To pull her in, to give all the love he can. To push Levi from memory. But he knows even in the darkest crevice of his brain, the very memory of Levi’s soft supple skin, so fair, and black as night hair, would always remain. Someone like Levi could never be so easily forgotten, making their exchange in the bathrooms equally as painful for erwin as it was for Levi. 

Before he can exit the building. He felt strong gaze from behind him ‘Erwin’ the old man bellows from the end of the dusty green carpeted hall, where unmarked cabinets tower over and suddenly erwin feels very small, down this hall where he imagines a broken hearted Levi staggering out. Erwin grits his teeth, ‘sir’ the blonde exhales.  
   
‘Come here Erwin’ the old man frowns.   
‘What did I say smith’  
‘About sir?’ Erwin’s asks.  
   
‘Levi’ the name stings still.   
‘What about him sir?’ Erwin asks seeming dumbfounded.  
‘Don’t play coy smith, we can both tell that our brash little friend is absent without notice’  
   
Erwin rubs the back of his neck attempting to piece together a late excuse.  
   
‘Ah, well Levi is taking leave, I authorised it’  
   
‘That’s funny, I don’t recall receiving a request email, Levi needs to book leave 1 month in advance’  
   
‘Forgive me sir the fault is all mine, I’ve been so preoccupied with hitting deadlines that Levi’s leave request flew completely over my head’  
   
‘I should have you sacked smith, but shit do our stats look good - I assume Levi is back this monday’  
Erwin nods. And the panic sets in. Not only does he need to locate Levi but convince him to return to work, Levi is both stubborn and resistant. To Convince the raven haired man to stay will prove to be quite the task.  
   
Erwin pivots on his heel, ‘one more thing smith, the loud red head, quit Today, she told me to come to  
You for answers’  
   
‘Well sir, Hange was frankly too neurotic, her work flow is unexceptional, I suggest looking for another job and she did not take it best, I expect that she only showed interest in the job due to her friendship with Levi’ LIES he thought he could feel Levi’s anger at the very words. 

‘I agree, anyway smith, I think me you and Levi need to have a meeting sometime. Monday afternoon should be good’ 

‘Course sir’ erwin strained. Pixis turns and erwin breaths a sigh of relief, as his lies twist more and more out of his control. 

**  
A plate of food greeted him at the table, Marie who seemingly to   
put effort into making an appetising meal, but erwin cutlery barely touched the porcelain plate. He sat hunched over, as if that table etiquette his parents had instilled into him as a child, didn’t seem to matter anymore. holding his fork like a barbarian, he could imagine his mother smacking the back of his hand with her metal spoon in her disgust, because table manners were above everything else. He imagines his mother disapproval at the situation he found himself in, a strike to the back of the hand seemed like a minute punishment to what he believed he deserved. 

Erwin wanted to see Marie to hold her but he could barely bring himself to make eye contact with her, like a wounded animal or perhaps a scolded dog. 

Not long after dinner she retreated to bed after what felt like a fruitful attempt to getting through to her husband and erwin followed suit just a few moments after but he was restless. 

Sleep, something far from Erwin’s grasp, he lay awake, Levi’s kiss plastered across his mind, his blood running cold with the very taste of his lips, the very sent of his mint breath, the stench of overpriced shower gel that tunnelled into Levi’s skin, because hygiene was top priority in Levi’s life, but erwin appreciated how much Levi let him in, his space his personal four walls that Levi had only ever saw not even the closest of people to Levi witnessed it. And there was erwin a trespasser who’s company was not wanted but needed. 

Erwin twisted on his side, watching his peaceful wife sleep, the women none the wiser to the conflict erwin had hidden so well. He stood from his comfort, piecing together a few articles of clothing to keep him warm. Retrieving his phone also he left his bedroom. 

He needed air, the place he once called home was suffocating him because every inch of his life now carried the stench of Levi, even looking at his wife reminded of that warmth Levi gave him but also the betrayal on both side, the cheating but also tearing someone life apart. In the end it wasn’t just one life erwin had ruined. The kill count was high. Erwin let out a long lengthy breath as he brooded. 

He dialled Levi’s number. Listening for the ring. But his voice mail popped up and erwin chest felt even tighter. 

‘Shit’ he exhaled. 

‘Erwin’ Marie speaks up from behind him, erwin jumps. Marie runs a hand across his shoulders, in slippers and her pink dressing gown. She sits beside him. 

‘are you unhappy?’ Marie asks.   
‘With?’ Erwin asks as if he had been completely transparent. 

‘Me, this house every goddamn thing that changed. Shit erwin it feels like I’m married to a ghost. You work weekends, you stay up late, you don’t sleep’ 

‘Don’t’ erwin sighed.   
‘I was thinking you could cut your hours down, so we can see each other more. I was thinking of taking clients again, just a few just until the little one arrives’ she holds her hands too her barely growing belly. 

‘That’s not necessary’ 

‘To late, I have my first client tomorrow, you’ll be working and i can finally make use of that spare office, and anyway you need to get this Friday off, we have a scan’ she stands ‘don’t be out too late’ she kisses his cheek. 

‘Marie, I love you’ erwin smiled slightly. ‘Levi, I love you’ he thought. 

‘Levi I love you’ 

**  
‘So’ she breathes. Taring a sheet of paper from her diary. ‘let’s start by establishing a time line’ she slams a piece of paper down to the table and sketches a line, the lines shaky, the mess sent Levi’s blood pressure sky rocketing. She watches as he digs his nails into the sofa. ‘Just sit with it Levi’ she smiles gently, spotting his discomfort. 

‘The things that makes us uncomfortable tend to be the things we can’t change. You need to learn to live with the disorganisation not everything has order, not everything follows a plan’ she smiles. ‘So the start of the line is your past, this can be any relevant time in your life, whatever that maybe, the middle is currently, and the end of the line is what you want from therapy’ 

‘Okay?’ Levi nods ‘okay’ 

‘The line isn’t made to trivialise anything it is just a bases for reflection, the end of the line isn’t the end of your life just like the start isn’t the start of your life okay’ 

‘Okay I get it’ Levi bites. 

‘Great’ she smiled. he observes as she rubs her stomach, she was a petite women so a small bump was obvious. 

‘You’re pregnant’

‘Yes levi’ again she touches her stomach as if that comforted her. 

‘Anyway Levi, where would you like to start? Perhaps your OCD?’ she leans back crossing her leg over the other. 

‘what about it?’ He resisted.   
‘In What way does that impact you?’ 

‘It doesn’t, the cleaning, it’s just something I do’ 

‘Surely if you are taking extra time do these things it must affect your life in some way. So what about intimately?’ She said and Levi cringed. 

Suddenly Levi shifts in his seat, ‘no, no it doesn’t’ he recoils. 

‘What is making you uncomfortable Levi?’ 

‘ I did something awful, I broke my routine’ Levi shakes. 

‘Do you wish to elaborate?’ Levi nods. 

‘I wanted something I couldn’t have and in the process I ruined a poor women’s life. Some women out there has no idea what her husband is and what he’s been doing. And, and it’s my fault’ he growls in anger at himself. 

‘Levi’ she sits up ‘this is a safe space for you to talk through how you feel’ 

‘I know’ he barks. ‘Before “him” my life seemed to fit together I was unhappy but I had order but he came along and fucking stole that from me, he threw out all that I had worked for, I fucking hate him for it’ 

‘Are you sure that is what you feel for him, you seem to emit a strong emotion for him’ 

‘I adore him in every way’ 

‘Tell me more about him?’ Marie asked. 

‘He’s smart, good looking, smooth talking, shit does he have a smart mouth, my whole world crumbles around him when I think of not having him, I could fucking die. The ‘relationship’ was short but I feel connected to him’ 

‘And how did you meet?’ She asked. 

‘Through work- there was an instant connection. But he’s a mess, the guy can’t even dress himself. But I was attracted to him’ 

‘Well that’s a good start, if you can look past his disorganisation’ 

‘What! That doesn’t matter, the mans married’ Levi crossed his arms. 

‘And has the relationship ended’ Levi nods. 

‘How did that make you feel?’ 

‘Like an idiot, believing his lies’ Levi said. 

‘And he made it clear that he didn’t feel anything for you?’ Marie asked. 

‘He didn’t have too’ but it made him think, did erwin look at him with the same adoration as himself. Erwin looked equally hurt when he ended it. 

 

 

 

 

 

   
 


	14. solo

The night dwindled from a dark vast night sky to Thursday morning where the sun had barely risen, and erwin could see his own breath through glassy worn eyes. He steps out the door wrapping a knitted scarf around his neck as tightly as possible and tightening the buttons on the cuffs, then slipping into a long sleek double breasted jacket, his hands shake with sleep deprivation. 

Levi had entirely invaded erwins dreams, so much so that he could no longer escape from his grasp, as he stayed up most the night, watching the starry sky, visualising another life, one where being himself didn’t seem so shameful, where he didn’t have to create lie after lie. But now the lies mounted up and his back felt like it could break. 

Erwin yawns, he plans to park up and buy a coffee, but coffee reminds him of Levi so he doesn’t. The road these mornings were undisturbed, seldom of life. Erwin blocked out everything as his surrounding fizzed into a blur, falling deeper and deeper into thought. He knew now that his relationship with Levi plummeted into abstraction rather then fact, the idea taunting him. 

he stops at a light. Right would take him to work and left to Levi’s apartment he recalls. And as soon as the lights switch to green he turns left towards Levi’s apartment and his heart thumps, because he didn’t know what he would find and if he could even control himself. It hurts to even think about his betrayal, but it hurts more to live without Levi, so he persists to drive toward Levi’s house. It’s Strange what desire can make a man do. 

** 

Left right left, they fall in sync. Step by step, skin on skin, their hearts one . And it feels great, it feels as it should. Erwin leans in barely scraping his lips against Levi’s, his long muscular arms wrap around him and he feels safe, for once. Levi try’s to lean in but he can’t. Losing him all over again’ 

But he descends into consciousness, waking to the comfort of emptiness again, he sits up twisting to the side of his bed knuckles clenching his bedsheet. He’s thankful that today his dreams were not occupied by the tortured memory of his mothers death, today his skin wasn’t drenched in sweat and his hands didn’t shake. To dream of erwin was not a crime, and that was ok. Levi would no longer be last on Erwin’s list, to not be on that list was ok. No matter how much it broke his heart he could now tell himself this. 

Three days allowed for plenty of reflection, Levi wasn’t weak and he wouldn’t be. Hange had sent several messages, erwin rang once, and Petra said goodnight through text. 

Ignoring his texts, Levi falls into sync into his early morning routine. He throws on an old Duran Duran band T a hand-me-down from his mother. And pinched his stick thin legs. His white boxers now seized to fit and weight seemed to drop from his body so easily these days, so today he fried an extra egg. Making three, and Levi sat with it. 

As it cooks he sways to unknown song playing, and then he hums. Levi feels cocky for feeling ok. But today marked the first day of trying to be happy something Levi hadn’t felt in a while or something he thought he had but didn’t. 

His eggs fry, the toaster pops and he jumps, and then his phone vibrates, he waste no time checking. The name reads Erwin. 

Erwin: can we talk? It reads, and Levi’s heart leaps in his chest, ‘nope’ he thought holding the power button. And continues, he brews some tea and pours it into a floral cup, tea was warm and soothing, the taste, the flavour calming him. He relaxes into a tranquil gaze, as the steam pours from the cup clearing his senses, clearing his stress. He breathes gently. 

Disturbed by a knock at the door, he hesitates to answer, not from paranoia, but lack of interest in interacting with anyone, he guessed it was Hange so he ignores it at first. But then he’s interrupted my another knock and he jumps up, and tenses. 

‘Shit right’ he shouts and as there is another more aggressive strike to the door. 

He swings the door open, expecting his red head friend, but is only greeted by Erwin pitiful looking face and he frowns. 

‘Levi’ the blonde gasps. And Levi says nothing. Erwin looks tired. His eyes are heavy his skin pale. And well his scarf is fucking ugly. And Levi wants to mention it but he fears that he’ll say something regretful so he’s quiet. 

‘Are you okay Levi?’ 

And he isn’t quite sure, because right now he felt as though he was on a metaphorical roller coaster, today had been a good day but he couldn’t say the same for yesterday. So no maybe he wasn’t ok. or maybe he was. He couldn’t find an answer to define quite how he felt. 

But he shrugs, and erwin nods, and their eyes fail to meet, or Levi can’t bring himself to look at erwin. Erwin steps forward now, and is uncomfortable close to Levi, he attempts to kiss him but Levi turns from his advance and erwin is left feeling wounded. 

‘What do you want erwin’ Levi asks coldly. 

‘Can we talk’ erwin pleads. 

‘About?’ 

‘Us’ us? To Levi he presumed that there had never been any ‘us’ going off Erwin’s callous proclamation or the lack of one. When Levi had asked if he was a good thing in his life he said nothing. So why would the blonde suddenly assume their was an ‘us’. 

‘There is no ‘us’ erwin, go Home’ he says. Collecting his plates and cups together. ‘Just go home erwin’ he pushes past walking to his kitchen. And erwin follows. 

‘What I said Levi..’ he stutters. ‘I’m sorry Levi, I’ve been self-seeking. I never once considered how hurt all this is making you’ he leans in. 

‘Fuck off erwin, I’m not falling for this’ 

‘Levi please’ 

‘No, I can’t fucking keep up with you. You so hot and cold and I’m not spending anymore time on this. Go waste someone’s else time’ 

‘I’m struggling to understand why you can’t see how much I care Levi !’ Erwin shouts. 

‘because it’s bullshit’ Levi shrugs. 

‘I risked everything for you, my marriage, my career’ 

‘Shit I knew it had to be my fault that you have such a massive ego, don’t hit your head on the way out, or do, I don’t care’ 

‘What can I do to make this right Levi?’ Erwin asks calmly. 

And it takes Levi sometime and consideration. Because he could think of a thousands things that could make this right. Leave his wife? No he couldn’t ruin some poor women’s life more then already had so no there wasn’t anything that could make this Ok. 

‘Nothing’ and erwin nods. 

‘Can I at least have a kiss goodbye?’ Erwin asked. 

‘No Erwin’ 

‘Okay’ erwin says defeated. ‘I’ve told pixis you’ll be back Monday, hopefully I’ll see you there’ and he leaves. Now he understands how Levi must of felt. It hurts. Immensely.


	15. Snow

Levi’s hands rested on his grazed knees, cuts and scars he'd accumulated from being anywhere but there. Running through the brambls, playing pretend. 

the children sat intolerably close to each other at the old oak table. Several care workers wore fake smiles, and estranged kids tucked into a thoughtless meal. Where dried up carrots, meat burnt and watery gravely sat, it seemed churlish to complain but this was hell. 

 

Hange, who's hands firmly gripped her knife and fork in a manner that displeased the older gentlemen opposite her, seemed to completely overlook this and finished up rather quick and he felt her eager eyes shifts from an empty plate to his. She swiftly moved a fork over, stabbing a Brussel sprout with great force. She looked up at a disapproving Levi with avidity. 

 

‘Go ahead’ Levi sighs 'idiot' . And she does. Not long after an old man who’s face Levi had grown to forget spoke up, dismissing Levi and Hange from the table. Levi wasn't usually  
one to ask for approval, but he made an exception. Just once. 

 

Years like these, at thanksgiving where the sky was blankety white, snow hugged the ground and families came together, this time of year Levi despised. Because it had been a joyless reminder of what he didn’t have. He’d sit with his knees tucked under his chin on an uncomfortable mattress, with stains that were not his and a room mate who talked a little to much. 

 

And yet it had been a few years like this. Six years had felt like a day and everything he felt then he felt now, the same grief and emptiness. But unlike then he’d grown accustomed to hiding it, his emotions. He was better at hiding the way his hands trembled. 

So when he sat down with Hange and said those two words, that scared him, it felt like Hange could see in him. 

‘Levi’ she grins. that look was absolutely daunting. 

‘Hm’ Levi shrugs, with mischief in her eyes the red head grasps his wrist, like she always did, she had something planned. Levi could tell she’d been up to something when she ate her food lighting fast. No one eats food like that so fast. He thought. 

 

‘Come come’ she mumbles and Levi lets her drag him. He grew nervous when she walked through the entrance, the extreme temperate change sent shivers up his spine. ‘Fuck’ he muttered. 

 

When they arrived he could have sworn they had walked miles. Hange pointed to an old large oak tree that peered over a small patch of grass that was yet to be hit with snow, she sat and patted next to her instructing Levi to sit, regardless of it's lack of snow the ground still felt cold, Levi hugged his body then leaned in closer, it was as if he was completely at her whim.  

 

‘Look’ she points. And there sat in the distance a cheery city where the lights barely peeked through the sky as snow fell. Levi’s heart began to race, it was exhilarating, and unbelievabley beautiful. 

‘I know’ she smiled wide eyed. she rested an arm around his shoulder and pulled him in for warmth and he let her. 

‘I’ve been thinking about my place in this world, levi’ she rambles ‘and where I fit in- things seem so shit right now Levi but look at that. That is where we need to be’ 

 

‘-and you know that’s not that far away. Look’ she points ‘thats our school, and, oh that’s Petra’s house’ she smiles.  

 

‘Hange, there’s something I need to tell you’ Levi frowns. 

 

‘Oh-‘ 

 

‘I’m gay’ he breathes. ‘Ohhh’ she nods. Loosening her grip around him. Levi could feel it ever so slightly and it unnevered him. 

‘Welll' she breathes.   
'you’ve done a great job at hiding it’ 

of course he had, Levi was a natural when it came to hiding how he truly felt, his heart seemingly miles apart from his sleeve, I mean he had too anyone who came to close seemed to leave or die and he couldn’t have that again. 

‘You’ll be okay Levi’ 

 

‘Promise?’ He said. 

 

‘Promise’. 

 

** 

 

Grabbing his phone. ‘Hange, come round please’ And she did, so fast actually that just 20 minuets later she occupied a place on his sofa. 

She sat close, she'd worried about him and he's heard about how reckless she had acted but he decided to wait before confronting her, because he had her here and he didn't want to talk about shitty work and shitty Erwin and shitty life, he just wanted to sit here and watch stupid reruns of the same old show. 

‘I saw Petra on Tuesday’ he says abruptly, and he watched hange shift in her seat.

Her head turned ‘Oh?’ Levi shrugged. 'And..how was that?' 

'Ok I guess'

'RIGHT' she jumps up in usual fashion when she was about to make a sudden proclaimtion. 

'Its all good sitting here crying saying 'Erwins this' and 'Erwins that'when we could go out, come on Levi' she says. 

'Sounds awful, no thanks' he frowns. 

'I know we are avoiding alcohol, but staying in allowing him to have the upper hand is just sad Levi, let's go out, I bet farlen will be around at some point' she winks. 

'I can't help but feel this is you getting the upper hand in spending all my money foureyes, and if this is Connies shitty work drink shit, never happening. All I need is those brats ruining my night' 

'Get dressed, we're going' she says stubborn as ever. 

 

**

'Ah, hange, Levi' Connie smiled taken aback by Levis presence. 

'Its been boring without you both, Erwins being less lenient with deadlines, and ymirs got a girlfriend now and is all lovey dovey' 

'Erwin alway did have a perpetual stick up his ass, and you're just jealous, you're still grovling at Sashas feet' ymirs chirps up. 

'Where you been Levi' she asks. 

'Dosent matter, Erwins usually one to be overzealous, are you really surprised he's less lenient' 

'Well The man's been elsewhere' hange shoots her a confused look. 'Mentally I mean, it's like he's overcompesating for something and the man's not shown any ounce of emotion'

'Just anger' Connie shrugs. 'Like ymir said stick up his ass, we are hoping tonight will loosen him up' 

'What's he been like with you' pathetic he thought. Levi shrugged. Still lost in the thought of seeing Erwin tonight again. 

'Maybe he's not getting any at home' ymir smirked. 'Probably not, have you seen his wife' Connie replies 

'Shut up' Levi hissed. 

'Anyway, ymir tell us about the new girl' hange speaks up. 

'Krista' Connie sighs. 

'Oh' 

'Well me and my Krista...' she trails off and Levi fails to acknowledge anything she's saying. 

'Ground control to Levi' hange says sometime later. 'What' he growls. 

'Connies getting a round In and I'm pretty sure Erwin just walked in so act oblivious and like butter wouldn't melt' 

'No don't fuss' he marshals her towards the bar. He spots Erwin. Dressed in his usual tight shirt stained grey and a look on his face that only Levi understood. 

'Levi' he smiles. 

'Pixis is expecting us on Monday for a meeting to review progress, I expect you there' 

'Right' levi responds wery. 

'Great' Erwins face softens, 'that's all I had to say' Levi nods awkwardly. 

He lost sight of hange, suspecting she's up to no good he turns and sees her pushing over a blonde. Farlen. He signs pinching his brow. but he sees him refuse. 

'Oh Levi we should have invited Petra' she says loudly.

'Petra?' Erwin asks. 

'Oh that's just Levis ex girlfriend, they're back in contact' she smiles mischievously. 

'Shut up' Levi Growls. Erwin turns to sit and Levi takes the opportunity to smack the redhead. 

'ow' 

'That's for being an idiot, me and Petra never dated, shit for brains'

'Dated who?'Connie asked. Seemingly appearing from nowhere. 

'Petra she's our friend' hange spoke up clearly taking no notice of Levi. 

'You're dating someone?' Connie asked. 

**   
Erwins heart seemingly shattered into tiny pieces the moment Levis door slammed in his face, he admired how confident Levi had appeared but that ever present look of misery still lingered across Levis face, he wanted to pull the shorter man close and just apolergise for taking advantage of his fragile heart. That heart that on first glance appeared black like coul, pumping strenuously as if at any given moment it could stop. 

Erwin had hoped for a better outcome to all of this one were he wasn't left feeling defeated or as if the path a head wasn't so rocky. He couldn't believe how he had actually considered leaving Marie for Levi. 

'Life isn't fair and you can't always get what you want' he recalls his mother saying some time ago.

**

 

Levi recognises a sharp gaze from Erwin under a dimly lit light that didn’t do the blue bags under his sleep deprived eyes justice, burning two holes through him with a blazing heat Erwin’s eyes seemed to drift from Levi to his bottle that he gripped with immense rapt, he didn’t drink he just sat fixated with the bottle, this unnerved Levi, the man wasn’t letting up, he just sat there back straight, face inscrutable like he was withdrawing further and further into himself.  He hears Hange nattering some poor unsuspecting men with drunken nonsense, and that voice could not be so easily forgotten, he’s glad she’s able to meet people, to enjoy life, he wished he could say the same for himself.

 

 He considered inviting Petra, but he knew that Petra would only get caught up in this game of chase that he and Erwin shared, and Erwin would simply grow jealous once Levi’s old flame, with a perky chest, a svelte and lean figure. walked in with all her grace, and the world at her feet, she doesn’t even intend to have such a profound effect. So, he didn’t. Lost in thought he hears an inaudible voice creeping up behind him and its Connie. He rests his hands-on Levi shoulders and Levi flinches.

 

‘One drink for me and my short friend here’ he laughed.

 

‘We are not friends and get your sticky fingers off me baldy’ Levi orders him. And the young man thumps his head. Few hairs budded from his scalp emitting a grey hew. His skin peeking through, comparable too his palpable insecurity, Levi could see it, clear as day. Contrasting too Erwin who’s cards where held firmly to his chest, Connie was an open book, it didn’t take a lot to see what made the man tick.

 

‘I’m not bald’ Connie winced like a child. Levi almost felt bad, the boy was clearly caught in the cross fire, and undeniable presence of tension in the air, it was so thick that Levi could almost swim in it.

 

‘Yeah, give it a few years’ and Levi caught Erwin smirk in the corner of his eye.  He shot him a look. Softer then he had anticipated, and Erwin returned the gesture, smiling gently.

‘So, Erwin’ he hears Ymir, a young brunette with a fierce attitude similar too himself, speak up. She stutters and slurs her words, and frankly it was embarrassing as Erwin sat there with utter sobriety, face icy cold, and yet to fold.

 

eld occupied the seat next to Levi, as he was more sensible chatting to a young blonde, and not long later he seemed to fizz into the background and then he was gone, Levi didn’t care, now only he and Erwin sat stone faced at the bar, he watched Erwin stand, he slipped over with ease, with repose he pulls up a stool and sits next to Levi. His large arms settling just inches from Levi. And he feels that all familiar heat radiating from that body he was once greatly acquainted with, but now it had just been a stranger.

 

For a few moments as they settled into silence, Erwin said nothing. And Levi’s heart thumped, creeping up into his throat, he clenched his fists and then nocking back what would be his third and final drink.

 

‘You been ok Levi?’ Erwin finally spoke up and Levi let out a large sigh one met by a increasingly concerned look by Erwin, he couldn’t take this tension anymore. ‘Erwin, we spoke yesterday. You already know the answer’ Levi said calmly for once. Succeeding at hiding his growing anxiety.

 

‘I miss you Levi’ and Erwin dropped a hand to his.

 

‘Shit Erwin’ Levi flinched pulling his hands from under Erwin’s.  ‘What are you doing, idiot’ he fidgets watching his colleagues behind him.

 

‘Please Levi’ Erwin leans in closer, and Levi grits his teeth, struggling to resist but he knew where he was and who was here, and he only knew that this would only bring trouble, so he hops off the stool and makes leave for the door. He hopes Erwin doesn’t follow.

 

But Erwin stubborn as ever shadows Levi like a stalker. Erwin grabs his arm. The touch sends shockwaves across his body like electricity and he curses at how good it feels.

‘Why are you doing this Erwin’ Levi grumbled as if completely malleable.

 

‘I think I love you’ Erwin says impulsively. And Levi’s heart shatters like glass, so frail. He didn’t want to hear those 3 words because he felt the same and he didn’t want it to be true. He didn’t want to see Erwin unmask his truest rawest feeling. Because then Levi would be beyond help, too far gone.

‘you don’t mean that’ and Levi can’t comprehend whether he wants it to be true or not.

 

Erwin grips Levi’s hand, and this time Levi is still. He just stands and watches as those soft fingers interlace with his rough hands, the contrast there is utterly beautiful, a soft man with a wounded broken man, a recipe for disaster.  

 

They stand silent, at the back of an old rusting bar, the music muffled into inaudible sound now that only the beat was present, mimicking his growing heart beat. 

 

‘This week, let me show you. Ill stay with you for the entire week. All day and all night’ 

 

‘And Marie’ Levi asked. 

 

‘Conference?’ Erwin suggested. 

 

‘But you’re lying’ 

 

‘Levi... I don’t know what to do here’ 

 

‘Okay’ levi nodded after a few moments of silence. 

 

‘Okay’ erwin smiled. ‘Can I kiss you Levi?’ He asked and Levi nodded. Erwin cupped his chin lifting his face to his before planting a soft kiss to Levi’s lips and he missed the way the blonde tasted. The kisses were gentle, not needed, not thirsty, but sweet and soft. 

 

Erwin presses his hand to his back pulling him in deeper, and he feels Levi’s tongue in his mouth. As his body is firmly pressed against Erwin’s. ‘Cold’ Levi murmurs into the mans mouth. Erwin removes his large jacket handing it to Levi, and his cheeks turn pink. 

 

Levi settles under his arms, walking in step with the taller man. He can imagine their hearts beating as one too. All he could think about was how warm Erwin’s jacket was and how safe he felt.


End file.
